Do asexual men exist?
Yes, absolutely. Asexuality in males is real. I am one myself.
So, you’re a guy, right?
Last time I checked, yeah.
And you were born that way?
And you’ve got all the guy parts?
And they all work?
As far as I can tell.
And you feel like you’re supposed to be a guy?
I guess so.
So, then, how can you call yourself “asexual”?
Because I don’t feel sexual attraction toward anyone.
But you said your parts work.
That they do.
And that you feel like you’re a guy.
Well, I don’t really care for football and I don’t own any power tools except for a drill, but other than that…
And yet you claim to be asexual?
You’re wrong. Asexual men don’t exist. You’re either straight, gay, or bi, or something ain’t working right, or you’re really a woman trapped in a man’s body and are in denial. It’s impossible for a man to be asexual.
I exist, therefore your hypothesis has been refuted. Please try again with a new hypothesis which accounts for this new evidence. That’s how science gets done.
So… I don’t get it.
That much is clear. Why don’t we start this over from the top, huh?
So, you’re a guy, right?
Yes, I’m male. And “cisgender” as all those kooky kids and their crazy new-fangled words might call it. In other words, I’ve got the factory-original male equipment and the male mind to go with it.
And you’re asexual?
But I don’t understand. How can you be male, with functioning parts, and still consider yourself asexual?
Asexuality does not depend on your anatomy. It’s not a function of gender. Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction toward anyone. It’s just as possible to be asexual with a penis as it is to be asexual with a vagina as it is to be asexual with anything in between, and there’s no requirement that a person disown their privates in order to join the Ace Club.
And by “functioning parts”, you mean that you can get erections, right?
Yes, among other things that would be considered “functioning”.
A-ha! There! You’ve just proven that you’re not asexual!
What, because somehow an erection is an infallible sign that a man is sexually attracted to something?
I hate to break it to you, but erections are not necessarily a sign of sexual attraction. I doubt most men are sexually attracted to the tight clothes that they’re wearing. I doubt most men are sexually attracted to waking up in the morning. I doubt most men are sexually attracted to bumpy roads. I doubt most men are sexually attracted to randomly walking down the street. Yet most men have probably gotten erections from wearing tight clothes, waking up in the morning, driving on bumpy roads, and randomly walking down the street.
An erection is a physical process. Sure, it can sometimes be caused by emotional stimuli, such as sexual attraction, but attraction is not a requirement.
So, why do you think you’re asexual?
Because I don’t experience sexual attraction. I don’t look at women (or men, for that matter) and immediately think that I’d like to get them in my bed. I don’t feel what people mean when they use the word “hot” to describe someone. I don’t really think about sex and how I must get some RIGHT NOW or I’ll go insane.
What about the whole thing about how men think about sex every seven seconds?
I think about how that statistic is wrong every seven seconds.
Are you the only asexual male?
Um. No. There are clearly others.
Well, how come it doesn’t seem like there are?
[I didn’t conduct a survey or anything, so this section is mostly pure conjecture. I apologize if it’s completely off-base. If you have any objections to what I’m saying, please let me know and I can work to improve this area.]
I think the reason that it doesn’t seem like there are more asexual men is that men are less likely to realize and accept that they’re asexual. So much of the stereotypical male identity is wrapped up in sexual prowess that it’s difficult to step back and admit that you don’t really fit in that world. If you’re a man, you’re supposed to be constantly horny, always in the mood and always on the prowl. There’s simply no option for a man to feel otherwise. It’s as if semen is a highly volatile substance and if you fail to get it out of your body before it reaches a critical mass, you will literally explode. (And preferably with the assistance of someone else, too. If it doesn’t end up in or on someone else, where it will be neutralized by their body heat, then it can apparently remain dangerous, which is why masturbation is viewed as an outlet of last resort.) The only thing that can stand in the way of a man having sex is the inability to get an erection, but if you can’t get it up, there’s a pill for that, a pump for that, a ring for that, an implant for that…
But to say “I’m not interested”? Well, that’s just not possible for a man. Clearly, if he gets an erection, then he’s interested, right? In many ways, for a man, sexual attraction is seen as equivalent to getting hard. If he stands at attention looking at a woman, he’s straight, if he’s looking at a man, he’s gay, and so on. So, when he gets an erection and it’s not directed at anyone in particular, then maybe he just needs to sow his wild oats until he finds what does it for him. And there’s the irrational fear that if a man isn’t turned on by a woman then OMG HE MUST BE GAY, so he’ll force himself to believe that he’s attracted to women, even though he doesn’t feel anything in particular for men or women. It’s simply not acceptable for a man not to want to use that erection with someone. If he doesn’t, there must be something wrong with him, he must be broken.
And so, in a world where that’s not just the predominant view, but pretty much the only view, you can see how it’s hard for a man to figure out that he’s asexual. Faced with that sort of overwhelming attitude, he’s just going to hide how he feels, so he doesn’t appear to be weak or broken or damaged. Men aren’t supposed to admit their feelings, especially when those feelings aren’t shared by others.
Additionally, conflating sexual function with sexual attraction can lead some men to erroneously rule out asexuality. “I’ve had sex, therefore I’m not asexual, because I wouldn’t have been able to if I were asexual.” “I masturbate, therefore I’m not asexual, because I wouldn’t do that if I were asexual.” “I like having my penis touched by someone else, therefore I’m not asexual, because I wouldn’t like it if I were asexual.” They’ll take events like those, join them to even the faintest glimmers of aesthetic or romantic attraction and use that as evidence to prove that they’re straight or gay or bi or pan or whatever, when in reality, all they’re experiencing is a physical reaction to stimulation.
By the time a man reaches the age where they’ve gathered enough life experience to decide that they’re just not all that interested in sex, they’re typically at a point where they can say “Well, I’m not 18 anymore, the hormones have died down” or “The fires of passion always die down after a few years, but I still love her”, or any number of other convenient excuses that obscure the truth.
How did you figure it out?
It took me a solid week-long journey of self-discovery to come to the conclusion that I wasn’t simply “straight, but not very good at it” and that I was, in fact, asexual. I’d known for years that I just didn’t think about sex the same way other people did. I had a girlfriend that tried to awaken me sexually, but wasn’t all that successful. I just figured I was shy or that she wasn’t the one. I hadn’t had sex in over eight years and it didn’t bother me at all. I just figured I had a low libido or was just better at masturbating than everyone else or something. It never really occurred to me that I simply was not sexually attracted to anyone. I considered myself straight, pretty much through the process of elimination. After all, I’d never been attracted to a man, so therefore I had to be straight.
But it sort of bugged me. I didn’t fit. Whenever I heard other people talk about sex or about hot women, it was foreign to me. They may as well have been talking about golf.
One day, I had a conversation with a friend about a somewhat baffling depiction of sex on some TV show and as we went on, it became very clear that I was not like everyone else and that there had to be something out there, some reason, something to explain how I felt. It became too much to be able to deny anymore, so I went looking for answers. I went on my journey with open eyes, willing to embrace whatever it was that I discovered.
Asexuality is what I found. Asexuality fit me.
Pretty much everything fell into place at that point. All the things I’d done, all the things I thought, how I felt, it all made sense to me.
I went looking for answers. I went looking for myself. If I hadn’t taken that step, I’d still be “straight, but not very good at it”. Most men who may be asexual aren’t going to take that step. They don’t know that there is that step to take, or they’re afraid of what they’ll find, or it just doesn’t bother them enough to start looking.
And that points to the core issue. The information isn’t out there. For most people, there’s straight, there’s gay, there’s bi, and that’s all. They aren’t aware that there are other categories which might fit better. They aren’t aware that it’s perfectly fine for a man to not be sexually interested in anyone. If more men know about asexuality, more men will realize that’s what they are.
Pingback: Do Asexual Men Exist? | Asexuality Archive
This sums things up perfectly. Thanks for posting.
Long time it bothered me that I simply don’t care about these things (I’m 17), I knew that I am not a gay because I wasn’t attracted to men. Every word that you’ve said fitted me. But coming to think about it, I actually love women, their beauty but I don’t feel like having sex. So anyway, you’ve opened my eyes, thank you, I can now rest quietly :)
Hello there Guy.
I know I’m replying to an old post but this is probably relevant to any reader here.
You say that you “can now rest quietly”, sounds like its all over?
No! You should see this as the beginning through a new understanding that gives you a new lease on life as a person who understands who they are!
You do have some accepting to do but this does not mean that you have to live as a loner.
I have a fiend who is asexual and we have many intimate facets to our relationship.
I have been married to a guy I believe is asexual for 7 years now….its the 1st time I actualy look this thing up on the internet, but I have known for a long time,without giving it a name, if I try to explain it to my friends, they say he is gay, even believed it a bit, but I know in my heart and guts he is not! how do i help him realise this, we are talking about going to see a sexiologist, we have done this before, but they dont get it….what can I do to help him?
I believe my father is the same way. He accepts me as being asexual, but doesn’t want to use the label for himself.
I never gave much thought about sexuality until I was in high school. When people asked me my sexuality I would reply I would say I was “strait” because that was the standard answer. Then the awkward question would come up, “so who do you like?”, and I would reply with some random girls name. Then they would ask me why……Awkward. :D I have never been sexually attracted to girls/women. In middle school I thought I has a small crush on a few girls, but I was shy and I think I just wanted to be friends with them. (I was still very innocent then) I teased the girls to get them to talk to me.
In high school I developed better social skills, and made friends with lots of girls. My best friend was female and she had a boyfriend (not me) at the time, are relationship was strictly platonic. I know this sounds weird, but I never masturbated until I was 18 (maybe 19) and freshman in college, I just did it to “try it out”. It was a good feeling but purely physical, I can never remember having wet dreams as a kid. I think sexual relationships is a wonderful thing for most people, just dislike how society tends to objectify people. Many people portray men as sex craving animals drooling to get there hands on some meat, and worst of all that women are just boy toys to be discarded when finished with. I am now almost 21 now sometimes tell people I am asexual if they ask, and do my best to explain it to them. I know asexuality is a continuum and not everyone’s experience is like mine, and that’s great! We are all different. Oh, and I do like cake…….
Thanks for this site now I can stop thinking about being a virgin until now I’m 24 years old.Though I like watching porn videos,rated r movies and masturbation at the same time.I’m a man and I love women where I can easily see eye to eye contact with them and smile towards approaching them at first I love talking with them,hugging and kissing them on the cheek right or left.I reached the point where I’m thinking if I’m asexual or not because my test got a gray-a which means I’m in between sexual and asexual.Since I’m nonchalant with my girlfriends though I love them having communication and connection but in terms of thinking to have sex with this particular woman that I’m dating I’m afraid to have sex or don’t want to have sex to abstain on it.I only like women not men and I know that I’m a man but I don’t know why since no woman who approach me first of having sex with her its just only in my thought.
Where did you get the stereotype that men should be horny?
How can that be true? (or is it because I’m asexual?)
That stereotype is pretty prevalent in all cultures around the world. It’s presumed that you’re interested in sex if you’re a man, and if you’re not, you’re assumed to be gay. The possibility that you could just not attracted to anyone and not into sex isn’t even considered.
A week? Man. I wish it had only taken me that long. I spent years trying to figure out my sexuality. I never knew asexuality was a thing until I was about 19, before that I figured I must have been bisexual or pansexual, because I felt the same amount of attraction all genders. Of course, when I discovered asexuality, I realized that “same” was none. And then I took another year to accept that, let alone tell anyone. I wish more people talked about this stuff. It’s so confusing and uncomfortable (I say that last one because I REALLY wish my mom would stop trying to “fix” me).
Really glad I found this, I’m 30 now and have struggled for years with my sexuality. I’ve had sex with girls many times but never really enjoyed it as much as everyone else seemed to. Friends were obssesed with it but when i knew it was going to happen I dreaded it. I even convinced myself I was gay to try and cope. But after an experience with that found it wasn’t for me. I’ve had two long term relationships with girls and even have two kids but as much as I loved my partners and I found them attractive the idea of sex just never interested me. I’d find any excuse to avoid it. Eventually both relationships broke down. How can you tell someone you love that you don’t want to have sex with them? Even told one girl I had a problem getting erections just to stop her asking. Being asexual is the only thing that makes sense to me. I’m quite an affectionate person and the idea of being alone fills me with sadness but I’d never want to make someone feel like they were not good enough for me. I wish one day I could meet a women in the same situation but I don’t hold much hope.
I know exactly what you mean, Stu. I can promise you women like that exist (I am one). I’m only 29 but I know very well the fear that I’ll never find a man who won’t end up resenting me because of sex. My marriage ended horribly because of that and I honestly thought I was broken until I recently discovered asexuality. Suddenly it makes sense. This site in particular has been wonderful in helping me accept it and come to terms with the fact that a heteromantic asexual relationship might actually be possible. Before reading this, I figured asexual men were about as common as unicorns. Society brainwashes us well.
I myself am in very similar situation. I have had relations and relationships with women my whole life just because it is normal and I do look how women look physically, especially their certain parts. I like to look at them, talk to them, do things together but just like you, when it would come to sex I would be dredging it. My ex-wife would tell me she shaved in the morning and I would literally hope the whole day something would happen like work emergency or so, so we wouldn’t have to do it. We would go on for 3-4 months without sex and she would keep on putting it in my face and I wouldn’t know what to say… Now i am divorced, spent half of my life trying to figure out why is my libido so low when it comes to having sex but I do masturbate, like looking at female naked bodies and even watch porn at times… Thank God I found this website and see there is more people like me.
People like me actually exist. I told my ex that’s what I wanted in a man and he tells me good luck in finding that.
I don’t know what I am. I’ve never wanted to sleep with anyone I’ve met, or anyone I’ve seen on TV. I’ve never fantasized about either of those. But I do find men attractive and I do fantasize about characters I make up in my head. When I’ve had sex it’s never been interesting to me and I can’t pretend it interests me because I find it strange, uncomfortable, slightly repulsive and a bit dumb…. I’ve not had sex for years, I don’t want it, and I can’t really picture myself in a sexual .. eeh.. event? I don’t remember the word :P
But everyone who is an asexual keeps saying they feel no attraction at all, and they don’t fantasize about anything. So I can’t be asexual.. But i’m not at all interested in sex! I’m not afraid of it, and I have no “bad experiences” about it. I don’t understand sex at all.. It seems boring to me. Maybe i’m… Fictionalsexual..
I have a similar situation. I seem to only be sexually attracted to fictional characters, which I don’t understand. I don’t think I’m being too picky or unrealistic or anything. I seem to like both genders, but I only really feel that way towards fiction and not real people…
Google “aegosexual.” It’s almost exactly what you’re describing.
fictosexual is totally a thing now
I really agree with you. I mean, everytime, when I say that I don’t like a “hot” woman/girl, I am always called a gay or bi or anything like that. I am okay with that since they were just saying things and I am personally not very sensitive. The part that annoys me is actually when they talk about the x. I mean, you are actually shooting semen and sperm to someone and that is nothing but gross. Plus, it really is gross. I don’t know why, just gross. LoL, that’s the third time I said gross. Anyway, I think more men are less educated about sexuality and I really agree with every singl thing you said.
this article has helped me in a different way then the other comments said. I’m a teenage girl and even the thought of sex makes me queezy…while a lot of my friends are loosing their virginity, i’m still single and wondering if i should wear more revealing clothes, since that seems to be the norm. after seeing that there are guys that want girls for the person, not the body, i feel much more at ease. maybe there’s not something wrong with me… and maybe i don’t have to wear revealing clothes or engage in sexual relationships…
Hello, I am not sure if I’m asexual, but I figured I would put this out there and see. Even though I had desire for women growing up, there was never any reciprocity. A lot of women made comments about how disgusting it would be for me to be in that situation. I had one girlfriend in high school, but we didn’t see each other often, which I liked. There were some hookups in college, but never a relationship and no sex. I only dated two other women since then (I am now 32). Towards the end of the relationship, any physical activity felt like work. The last few women I kissed or did physical activities with felt like the same thing. I am still a virgin and have become very resistant to any kind of touch. I think I am asexual because of a diminished desire as well as the realization that a woman I would potentially like only stands me up (this has happened on more than one occasion), or I seem to attract women who view me as a beta male. I also live with a woman as a roommate who I cannot stand and only reminds me of the worst aspects of a relationship. It is not for me, nor is the idea of having children that attractive, either. I am also not gay because I never had any attraction to a man. My conclusion came about because I live in a big city and have exposed myself to a diverse group of people. Any attempts by me have stumbled, either online or in person, to try and date someone with whom I might be compatible. There are common threads to the women I have dated and that is the only type that sees me as a worthy candidate. If that is my only option, then I want no part of it. Please excuse the long message, but when I’ve tried to talk to my brother, who is very close, he said he could not take anything I said seriously, and friends telling me I’m full of it. However, after the past few years of my attempts and those of my friends, I don’t see any reason to pursue it.
Now, I am no man but, I am asexual. I found this quite interesting. I was very surprised that the term “aromantic” was never brought up. I identify myself as a heteromantic asexual. This means that I do not enjoy or want to have sex but enjoy experiencing romance with the opposite sex (in my case, men). Aromantic is the absence of this, either with the opposite sex or the same sex or both. This can explain some feelings of attraction for people while not necessarily craving sex. I think this may help more people realize that they are asexual (not necessarily aromantic though).
Just wonderful. I am a trans man. I like other guys, but since I don’t have a cis guy’s factory installed parts, I would never want to do anything sexually. See, I hate what I have, and have no interest in doing what those with my junk do. It frankly is abhorrent to me. I knew I’d have to meet a bi guy if I wanted a relationship. I am not attracted to straight men, and any straight man attracted to me would not see me as the man I am. I am attracted to many gay men, particularly the fem ones, but they find my trans man body disgusting even though I don’t want them near the part that shall not be named. Sadly enough though, most bi men I met, while respecting my gender, still wanted to do things to the part I hate. So that didn’t work either. Then I met my current bf. He is beautiful, caring, and loving and said he was bi. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised when he totally respected the fact that I do not want anyone or anything near the part I hate. I asked him if he was asexual and he said no because he was attracted to me and asexuality is about attraction not behavior, but he has no desire to do something to me that I’d hate. Well, his big mouth sister overheard this convo. Now his mother is trying to get him a shrink to “cure” him because “only an asexual and therefore disturbed man would stay with a partner who refused to let him have sex”. She also told his sister that I’m a ‘self hating woman who needs to accept her duties” (she misgenders me all the time). The point of this anecdote is that our culture is so twisted that any cis man (asexual or not) who doesn’t force intercourse on their partner (particularly if their partner is not a cis man) is considered in need of “help”. Of course this contributes to rape culture. On the cis woman part of things, an asexual female friend of mine was told by her therapist that she was asexual and repulsed by sex because she couldn’t “trust and accept the fact that sometimes pain is pleasure, like when the little boy at school who has a crush on you pulls your pigtails until it hurts”. Btw this was a woman therapist.
I guess I fit that category, but I am not sure because I am sometimes sexually attracted to men, but that’s pretty rare. Most of the time I’m indifferent to sex. My libido fluctuates throughout a day and can be more powerful some days while on other days I am not in a mood.
I needed this, I’ve known what asexuality is for a while now, but I’ve been afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid people wouldn’t believe me or say that it isn’t possible, now I have some good things I could say to prove my point, thank you
Yes we exist! I’m one.
The more i keep reading, the more i’m convinced that i’m one too
Finally. The answer. Unfortunately I’m already stuck in a marriage with someone the exact opposite of me. I would prefer to never have sex again and he wants it every half hour whether we have to hide in a closet to do it or if we’re home alone. I hoped it would change as we got older, but we’re in our 50’s now and he hasn’t slowed down one iota. its gotten to the point I hate it. I’m getting crabby. I cringe every time he touches me. I love him. I dislike everything about sex. I’ve tried hormone pellets, watching porn, fantasizing … Nope. My body has ZERO interest in sex. :-( I’ve felt like a freak my whole life and been miserable. I no longer feel like a freak – but, I’m still miserable. I guess half the battle won is better than none, eh?
Thank you for this, as I have struggled with this thought for years. I lost my virginity at 13 and cried myself to sleep that night. I didn’t know why, i thought it was what i wanted. I was told it was what guys wanted. I actively despise my libido, and have felt unable to empathize with other males on sexual issues, though I’ll bullshit the part for sake of conversation. I have had relationships with both male and female partners, and neither give me any more of a sense of satisfaction from sex (RE: NONE). I am purely an emotional being as far as relationships are concerned, and I don’t know how I am going to fulfill my emotional needs while being so unhappy performing sexual acts (though i am willing to do them to make another person happy, I have started to respect myself more and will no longer do that.) I feel like I raped myself because I wanted so badly to be a “normal” human being that I overstepped my own bounds multiple times. I thought I would learn to like it. I never did.
I know all of this probably sounds really depressing, but I have FINALLY started to come to terms with my sexuality (Or lack, thereof).
Dear Benikgamik and Shinomiya,
I read about Autochorissexual/Aegosexual and maybe this fits you:
Autochorissexual/Aegosexual: A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies.
Shinomiya i think you’re gray-asexual maybe. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=graysexual
I’m a 20 year old neutrois, asexual, but i’m still questioning. I was really happy about reading that much about asexuality and know there are so many other asexual people in the world.
I am the same, I am 32 years old and I don’t enjoy having sex, I am tired of having have to do it to please my husband. I wish I find a man who is like me so much but it will be hard to find because even if I run into him he won’t admit it because he will be most likely ashamed of it. Is there a dating site for asexual people?
Social Engineering Freak. You be religious, gay, asexual, bisexual = You are a freak.
You have seen what religion has done to muslims, and catholic priests (who cannot get married)
You have seen what bisexuality and gaydom (lol) has done to men: having expensive surgeries for nothing.
There aren’t nothing-nothing like asexuality unless for some kind of hermaphrodite (which I leave to the medics because I ain’t that literate in this topic. And, which again proves religion explained today – is not fully smart)
I am sick and tired of some 100% male or 100% female proclaiming they ain’t attracted to the opposite sex because if you got eyes you see; if you got skin you feel.
I bet you, if one religion or social group proclaims seeing or feeling is a sin or crime: it’s followers will cut off their eyes, scratch of their skins or simply claim they got eyes and skins but cannot see or feel.
Wish everyone the best
Normally, I just delete comments like these out of hand, but for you, I’m going to make an exception. I’m gonna post it, so everyone in the world can point and laugh at you and what you’ve said.
I don’t speak English, but I’ll try…
Oh my, I can’t stop laughing. I can’t. XD
I draw, I love searching of the perfect frame, the shapes, the curves, the movement, the textures, the colors, the lights and shadows… I relax and I am one with the creation, lines flow, my mind is in another world… that’s an image for me, something beautiful and inspiring. It does not matter if it is a naked or a bouquet of flowers in a vase. I don’t understand what relationship can be between an image and wanting sex!
Do you belive in daltonics? Or lefties? Or people who have heart on the right side? Are they Social Engineering?
The same perfume smell different on different people, it isn’t?
Can you spot the faint star Alcor next to the star Mizar? Can all your friends?
Having been exposed to the same thing some people are seriously ill, but others don’t, it isn’t?
Some people, having ears and mouth, tune up but others tune out. Why?
You have nose, it isn’t?, but could you be a professional perfumist?
There are some people with serious problems to copy drawing 3D figures, for others is as easy as coping a single line and they don’t understand where is the problem. But both have brain, eyes, and hands with pencils, it isn’t?
Some peole can dance -even the deaf people-, others can’t, but all have body. Why?
What about juggling? about running?, about swimming?
I can hear so low sounds, that seems no one else hears, and I feel pain when they are very high, most people can’t understend when I ask them to turn the volume down. Why?
Do you really think everyone is like you? Study biology, please, and meet people. You are alone in your inside world, you have no clones, no one feels the world 100% like you. If you have not discovered that yet, you are too young or too blind.
I do not feel sexual attraction, I see 0% relationship between seeing something and needing fucking it. It took me decades notice that others not feel like that, because sexual attraction is something alien to me, as can be heard ultrasounds.
If someone is trying to learn a foreign language, can not bee able to “see” the difference between some sounds, because they do not exist in his native language. I have always been like this, so it took me time see there was a diference, to see there was a difference, something that I did not know that existed.
But is is just another language. Not mine.
My language is complete with the sounds it has.
I don’t need include in my language the weird sounds of a foreign language, I’m sorry if that bothers or frightens or baffles you, but I don’t want to change.
I’m complete and happy.
Wish more more guys were like that! Many relations broke up just because of those guys who wanted more! Hope I will not die alone just because I love to hug cuddle n kiss and nothing more =o ! Ppl think im weird coz of that but why should I do it just to please others? Thats bad!! ! Does anyone knows a datingsite for asexual ppl? Im a girl btw :P
Try: ace-book. com
Growing up i thought i was gay. I fantasized about going down on men. I always fantasized about playing the submissive role. Then i met my first bf. I liked giving him oral, but i never liked my penis. I hated it. I broke up with him, and hardly had sex with him because it was painful. After that, i didn’t have sex for over 8 years. Now im 32. I started dating again to a man, but i have ZERO desire to be intimate with him, in any way possible. I wish i find a man who would accept me. Does that make me asexual ??
It’s so refreshing to hear that there are guys who are like me. As a woman my dream is not just find a match but a dude that is asexual like me. I don’t care for sex, I don’t want it. Never did it. I just want to spend the rest of my life someone who I can consider my beyond best friend.
Any tips on finding people like you? Where do you guys hang out?
I’m a 42 year old male and have just come to terms with the fact that I’m asexual. Reading the comments on this site has been very helpful, so I thought I would also share my experiences. For me the first sign was that I was not in any rush to get into a relationship; all of my brothers and friends had lost their virginity by their early twenties but my first and only relationship didn’t happen until I just turned 25. The first time I had sex with my partner didn’t go well and it took a while before I could persuade her to sleep with me again. The second time was great for me, but it was to be the last time I would have ever have a good sexual experience with another person. My girlfriend dumped me not long after and hinted that while she really liked and cared for me, she didn’t think that I would be able satisfy her physical needs. I was naturally pretty devastated by this and so to try build my self-confidence sexually, there were a number of occasions where I paid for sex with a woman. While thinking about the prospect aroused me (and putting aside the morality of it), when it came to the actual encounter I could never get sufficiently aroused for penetrative sex – I usually ended up finishing off the job myself, which strangely enough really did turn me on. I’d often thought that I might be bisexual, so I then I experimented having sex with men. But, while I enjoyed getting naked with other guys, in the end I just found that I wasn’t particularly turned on by them either. The paradox is that while I am asexual, I also have a very powerful sexual drive; in fact after to talking to other men about this I appear to need to masturbate more than they need to have sex with their partners. While it has taken half of my life to get here, the simple fact is that I can satisfy my own sexual desires much better than anyone else can, in part using internet porn but mostly with the power of my own imagination. I’m now comfortable with what I am no longer feel frustrated or less of a man because of it. So finally, thanks to everyone that has had the courage to make a positive contribution to this site.
I don’t feel any attraction to any gender or poeple group I feel I am asexual I don’t want to come out should I and everyone thinks I’m gay because of my personality and way of thinking am I asexual
I am a girl..but still i would like to comment that its perfectly okay to have no sexual attraction towards any gender..the same as i face..its sign of asexuality..and those who think you a gay are just stupid..don’t care and just live the life..afterall love from heart is what that matters…nothing to do with bodily attractions :)
So true. Stay true to yourself. I TOTALLY understand…..and Im not gay! Not everyone in this world has to have sex.
Where are you?? I’m a woman with no sex drive. I have always said if I could find a man that was the same we would make the perfect couple. The companionship, support, and loyalty are there but no sex. What’s wrong with that?
I’m a 59 year old male who has been reading about asexuality lately and much of what I have read I can relate to from my own experience. I want to say up front I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder (those darn labels!), so perhaps I am not a true asexual. There is however a lot of overlap. I have indifference toward sex and I appreciate women aesthetically and intellectually primarily. I’ve had sex a few times (long ago) and it was nice enough I suppose, but I really just don’t care. I’ve never married, never been in a long term relationship and never been into dating. I have nothing against these things but just don’t have much need for any of it myself. I frankly find this oversexualized culture depressing and depersonalizing sometimes, and the bullying,harassment, denigration and even violence that people who are considered “different” are subject to boorish, vile and inhumane. Having something forced on you that you don’t want is no fun, alienation is no fun. I think it is wonderful that asexuals can now have a sense of community and connection through these online forums and growing awareness, which people my age didn’t have when we were young, One cannot overstate the importance of sharing common experience with others.
My experience seems to be a little different than most of the posters here. I have spent much of my life as a hypersexual person. I have had just about every kind of sex there is with many partners. I enjoyed it most of the time. I have been married twice and have eight children. I fell in love with a woman who has been my exclusive romantic partner for over 25 years. We are coparents and love each other dearly but we have been divorced for ten years and have not had sex for five. I just seem to have lost interest in it. I feel that I’ve that that part of my life is over and I feel comfortable with that. I have only realized recently discovered that there is a community of like minded people out there, people who can embrace their sexuality (Or lack thereof) and feel comfortable with it. It makes me feel like less of a freak, someone who has something rather than someone who lacks something. Thank you all for being there.
Sometimes I feel like I really need to talk about how frustrated I am with the global coitus obsession, but never have anyone with whom I can vent. Articles like this help. :)
I’ve never called myself ‘asexual’, being too afraid that my mind with mould itself to the label. I feel that I should be malleable and open to evolution, just in case I can change, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more and more repulsed by the idea of sexual intercourse. As a young girl I wanted to be a boy, and through puberty I wanted a more androgynous body – none of these bulbous impractical mammary glands, ridiculous pelvic girth and inward-facing knees. I have always been the first to wince, mute the audio and look away during kissing scenes. Why would people share spit? It’s disgusting.
From the ages of eleven to thirteen, I had my first proper crushes. Pretty much any male younger than forty-five and older than eleven brought blood to my face; I would stammer uselessly and couldn’t look at them, and felt so uncomfortable that I avoided males at whatever cost. I wondered often if this was what ‘love’ felt like, and was disappointed.
After thirteen, I was taken out of school (the schooling systems are just garbage where I live). The blushes grew milder and my head was less busy, and I was able to hold a conversation with a boy or man without feeling utterly humiliated. Not that I ever really needed to. The only males to whom I ever spoke were my cousins and my dad’s friends. I learned to disregard that uncomfortable feeling and enjoy male company like I enjoyed female company.
That is to say, sparingly.
I’m seventeen now, and in college. I know how to recognise when I am physiologically interested in someone; I know to acknowledge a certain aesthetic charm in long hair, freckles, pale eyes, steel-rimmed glasses, effeminate faces. And deep down, this personal attraction to certain characteristics doesn’t affect me.
For years I thought I was “gay” and there seemed to be a big interest with sex among the gays at the bars and so forth. I do remember high school, of course I had to be “straight” then, but I never thought sexual attraction was anything, at least, I never really understood it. It seemed, when I was older, I’d pick up guys, or they’d pick me up, but things never worked. Of course, I can jerk-off, and everything is fine, but I wonder that my fantasies have more to do with physical things, such as walking, for example, maybe even clothes or shoes. I always thought that was some fetish, but several years ago, I started thinking I might be asexual. It’s been over 10 years since I’ve been with anyone, he was a “boyfriend” but I was never all that interested in having sex. We’d been together about 3 years or more when we did, and it was just once. Thank you for this!
Thank you for this post and comments. I’ve just found out about a week ago that I am asexual after living through teenage years and adult life as being different from anyone when it comes to attraction and such. I also don’t understand the word “hot”. I also want platonic rel rather than romantic ones. I probably am aromantic as well. I value friendships more and I dislike it when the opposite sex suddenly turn romantic and touchy feely. I haven’t met people personally who is like so I thought at first I was broken. Glad to read there are people like me.
Hi since i came to college and into uni i havent once ever thought of having sex with anyone i always thought i was weird and abnormale because i didnt want it i still have no sexual attraction to anyone ive had a few relationships but not once had sex with any of them because i just dont want it i dont feel any sexual attraction to me my relationships are like family because in that term it means i dont want to have sex at all im glad i found this because everything in this i just agreed with it fit me perfectly thankyou.
I am 20 years old male and I have never thought of being in a relation. I have never masturbated. I watched porn only once but I didn’t like it and closed it only after 1 minute (i didn’t even get erection). Sometimes I get erection in morning but without any sexual urge. Sometimes i get night discharge but without any dreams etc.
I am very satisfied with myself. I really like it that i do not have any sexual attraction. I get A+ grades in College tests and spare my extra time in gardening and Gym. Whenever my parents ask me about marriage i refuse them. Glad to see that there are many men in world like me.
(Sorry for bad Engish)
Oh my gosh this is perfect. I found out that I was asexual when a friend of mine came out and described it to me. I had always been the oddball in a school where everyone was always talking about sex and it always made me uncomfortable and alien to me. One of my friends that is a girl came out, and it sparked my interest. I came to the conclusion that I was asexual, but out of a whole city full of people, and surrounding cities too, I appeared to be the only male asexual, and I kept thinking that I was alone. It’s a blessing to find out that I am not.
This is interesting material. As a 35 year old single Male I haven’t had sex in over 4 years. I should note I’m a good looking in shape “straight” Male. And I’m ok with not having sex for another 4 years honestly. I never would have considered myself asexual until I stumbled across the term and honestly disnt even know why people would be identifying that way. Well, I stand corrected. I’m definitely asexual. Ita all very informing at all but I feel no different about the matter than before I was informed. I dont feel the need to fit into any category, I’m just me. And I like me. That’s not to take anything away from anyone else however, if you feel that fitting into a category is helping you in some way then by goodness I’m really happy for you :) All that said tho, thos was indeed a very interesting cherry on the last 20 minutes of research I’ve been doing lol! Thanks for posting, I hope everyone has a great day. Cheers from Fort Worth!
This is interesting. I am a 39 year old asexual female. My journey started when my brother asked me if I was asexual. Then a few years later I read a magazine article about people who called themselves asexual. Suddenly everything fell into place. It’s been 15 years since then & I’m writing a journal about my asexual journey. I’m writing down every moment, even the ones before I knew I was asexual. Even now I’m learning new things about myself.