Q: What have you had to deal with being an asexual male? Like, me being an asexual female, I know it’s difficult dealing with a sex-obsessed culture. What about you? How do you deal with living such a sex-obsessed culture? Do you have any tips for how I can get along easier?

I think what was the hardest for me was not knowing that asexuality was even a thing.  I was told by society that I was supposed to be obsessed with sex, that I was supposed to want as much as I could get and get it as often as I could.  I was told that my penis was supposed to control me.  I was told that only an inability to get an erection would stop me from being driven by sex (and that there was a pill for that, if that happened…).  I was told that I was supposed to desire hot celebrities, that short skirts, blonde hair, and big breasts were supposed to drive me wild.

But there was none of that.

I spent years wondering what was wrong with me.  Why didn’t I want it?  Why didn’t I need it?  Why didn’t it drive me?  It was supposed to.  It would make sense if I were gay, but I wasn’t.  It would make sense if I couldn’t get it up, but I could.  So what was wrong with me?

When I discovered asexuality, I realized that those things didn’t apply to me and didn’t have to apply to me.  I think in some ways, I simply stay out of the more sex-obsessed parts of culture.  I don’t belong there, and it’s fine that I don’t.