Q: What have you had to deal with being an asexual male? Like, me being an asexual female, I know it’s difficult dealing with a sex-obsessed culture. What about you? How do you deal with living such a sex-obsessed culture? Do you have any tips for how I can get along easier?
I think what was the hardest for me was not knowing that asexuality was even a thing. I was told by society that I was supposed to be obsessed with sex, that I was supposed to want as much as I could get and get it as often as I could. I was told that my penis was supposed to control me. I was told that only an inability to get an erection would stop me from being driven by sex (and that there was a pill for that, if that happened…). I was told that I was supposed to desire hot celebrities, that short skirts, blonde hair, and big breasts were supposed to drive me wild.
But there was none of that.
I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. Why didn’t I want it? Why didn’t I need it? Why didn’t it drive me? It was supposed to. It would make sense if I were gay, but I wasn’t. It would make sense if I couldn’t get it up, but I could. So what was wrong with me?
When I discovered asexuality, I realized that those things didn’t apply to me and didn’t have to apply to me. I think in some ways, I simply stay out of the more sex-obsessed parts of culture. I don’t belong there, and it’s fine that I don’t.