Under the Ace Umbrella: Demisexuality and Gray-asexuality

I’ve heard about something called the “Ace Umbrella”.  What’s that about?

There’s a gray area between asexuality and non-asexuality.  Some people say that they occasionally experience sexual attraction, yet still relate to asexuality.  The ace umbrella encompasses asexuals, as well as people in this gray area.

Some people, known as “gray-asexuals”, experience sexual attraction infrequently or not very strongly or possibly aren’t quite sure whether or not what they experience is sexual attraction.

One subtype of gray-asexuals, known as “demisexuals”, can experience sexual attraction only after developing a close emotional bond with someone.

So, if asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction and these people do, why the “umbrella”?  What do you have in common?

Many graces and demis tend to feel alienated by or disconnected from the sex-charged culture that they see around them.  Most of the time, they do not experience sexual attraction, same as asexual people.  When they do, the manner or frequency with which they do does not align with how “everyone else” describes their experience with sexual attraction.  In this way, their experiences are often very similar to the experiences of asexuals.

Many times, demisexuals and gray-asexuals will even identify as asexual or something like “asexual with an exception”.  The frequency of sexual attraction may be so low that they go years without feeling it, so, for all intents and purposes, they are equivalent to asexual during that period.

But isn’t that just “Normal” sexuality?  Most people aren’t attracted to everyone all the time.

Certainly, most people don’t feel constant sexual attraction.  However, most people seem to feel it fairly frequently.  Often it’s toward a romantic partner, but throughout the day, there might also be the hot co-worker or the random stranger on the sidewalk or the celebrity with the great body.  Even if most people don’t act on it, the attraction is still present.  Grays and demis aren’t like that.  For a gray-asexual or a demisexual, there may be years between episodes of sexual attraction or there may have been only one person that’s ever caught their eye.

So…  “Demisexual”?  Does that mean they only sleep with demi-gods?  Demi Moore?

Unlike “hetero-” or “homo-” or “a-”, etc., which describe the gender(s) that a person is or isn’t attracted to, “demi-” describes the circumstances in which a person may experience sexual attraction.  Demisexuals are only capable of feeling sexual attraction after they’ve developed a close emotional bond with someone.  Even then, they still might not feel anything.

It sounds like demisexuals are trying to make themselves out to be special because they only have sex with people they love.

Demisexuality is about attraction, not action.  It doesn’t mean that people are picky about their sexual partners.  It doesn’t mean that they’re “saving themselves for the right person”. When someone says that they’re demi, they mean that they can’t experience sexual attraction unless they’re close to someone.  They’re not choosing to repress sexual feelings for others because they don’t have anything to repress.

Furthermore, demisexuality says nothing about who a demi has sex with, or if they even have sex at all.  It’s possible to be demisexual and a virgin.  It’s possible to be demisexual and repulsed.  And it’s possible to be demisexual and sleep with anyone who is willing.  Demisexuality is only about the circumstances where one can experience sexual attraction, not about sexual activity.

It’s also important to note that demisexuality is not, in any way, a value judgment against other people.  Just because they only experience sexual attraction after developing an emotional bond, that does not mean that they feel there’s anything wrong with people who don’t require that bond to experience sexual attraction.

Okay, so they’re only sexually attracted to people that they love?

Not necessarily.  The close emotional bond does not have to be love.  It could be friendship, it could be a work relationship, or any number of other strong emotional connections.  Something purely platonic might still be capable of triggering sexual attraction.

How long does it take a demisexual to develop sexual attraction after forming the emotional bond?

Every situation is different.  Many demis say that it can take anywhere from months to years to come about.  Maybe less time, maybe more.  It’s not like there’s a chess timer that starts ticking the moment you meet someone, and if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them by the time the hands go all the way around, you’re not going to.

Are gray-a’s just asexuals who have sex?

It’s not about what someone does, it’s about what they feel.  If an asexual has sex, they’re an asexual who has sex, not a gray-asexual.  If an asexual masturbates, they’re an asexual who masturbates, not a gray-asexual.  The difference between “asexual” and “gray-asexual” is one of attraction, not behavior.

It’s not about enjoying sex, either.  If an asexual likes sex, they’re an asexual who likes sex, not a gray-asexual. It’s possible to enjoy sex and sexual activities and not experience sexual attraction.

How can someone be “Gray”?  You’re either asexual or you’re not.  Clear as that.

Is it clear where you fit if you’ve only felt sexual attraction once in your entire life, then never again?  Is it clear where you fit if you occasionally feel something that could potentially be sexual attraction, but it’s so weak that a passing breeze is enough to make it stop?  Is it clear where you fit if you’re sometimes sexually attracted to people and you like sex, but don’t feel any drive to seek it out and would be fine without it?  Is it clear where you fit if you’re not sure what sexual attraction even is, let alone whether or not you’ve felt it?  Gray-asexuals live in this land of confusion.

So what is gray-asexuality, then?  The description you’re giving is a bit fuzzy.

The definition of “gray-asexual” is intentionally vague.  It’s meant to be a catch-all for anyone who feels they fall somewhere near asexual on the spectrum between “sexual” and “asexual”.  There’s no strict criteria for what makes someone “gray”, there’s no shining dividing line.  If there were, it wouldn’t be a gray area.

It’s a bit like the purple spectrum between red and blue.  When you’re close to red or blue, the color can be described as “reddish” or “bluish”. There’s no clear line where being “reddish” stops, but it’s clear that it stops somewhere.  I mean, you can’t be one tick away from blue and still describe the color as “reddish”.  Gray-asexuality is sort of like “asexual-ish”.

Do demisexuals and gray-asexuals fall in love?

Like asexuals, graces and demis come in all flavors of romantic orientation.  Someone can be a heteroromantic demisexual or a panromantic gray-asexual.  For a demisexual person, a romantic relationship could potentially be the catalyst for sexual attraction, however, it won’t necessarily happen just because someone’s in love.

Gray-asexuals and demisexuals can be even aromantic and not be romantically attracted to anyone.   Additionally, a person can be demiromantic or gray-romantic, which are similar to being demisexual or gray-asexual, but around romantic attraction, rather than sexual.

How can you know you’re demi or gray and not asexual?

Well, if you experience sexual attraction occasionally, that’s a pretty good sign that you’re not asexual.

Aside from that, if you feel like you’re almost asexual, but not quite for some reason, then perhaps gray-asexual would be a better fit.  If you’re asexual most of the time, but there’s that one person you’re close to who’s an exception, then maybe demisexual would work.

How can you know you’re asexual and not demi or gray?

If you don’t feel like you’re demi or gray, then you’re not.  There’s no 100% surefire way to determine that just because you’ve never experienced sexual attraction before, that you won’t tomorrow.  You can be fairly sure that it’s not going to happen if it’s never happened before, but it can’t be ruled out completely.  It’s a bit like a scientific theory:  It can never be proven entirely, it can only be disproven.  After all, everyone who has experienced sexual attraction had a first time, and they probably weren’t expecting it to happen, either.

Look at it this way:  There are plenty of straight people in the world.  Most of them have never been attracted to a member of the same sex.  But how can they know for sure that they won’t be?  How can they be certain they don’t have dormant bisexual tendencies?  The common response is “Well, I just know“, but really, it’s impossible to know for sure.  It’s not something that stresses out a lot of straight people, yet I see a lot of aces worried that they might really be gray or demi.

For me, I’m asexual.  I don’t expect that it’ll turn out that I’m actually gray or demi, but if it does, I’m not going to push it away.  If I happen to experience sexual attraction one day, then okay, I’ve learned that I’m not asexual after all.  I’m not going to let this word that describes me very well right now tell me what to do in the future.  You’re not permanently locked into asexuality for the rest of your life once you’ve used the word to describe yourself, so if it no longer fits, don’t try to make it fit.

42 thoughts on “Under the Ace Umbrella: Demisexuality and Gray-asexuality

  1. I think I’m demisexual. I thought I was asexual when I was younger then just convinced myself I just hadn’t found the right person yet. Ive never had feelings of strong sexual attraction but after being in a relationship for 5 years I usually enjoyed sex but it wasn’t that uncontrollable desire. I always thought I was just suppressed or weird. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t function the way the normal population does.

  2. I have know that i was different from a young age (about 5 or so) however i just thought i liked girls. But at the age of 21 i actually started to think about what i wanted in a relationship, as i have never had one. All i wanted was a deep connection, to hold hands with some one, and even, if the mood was to strike; possibly kiss. For me, i don’t really like to label myself, to constrict myself and be put in a box. Im just me. But i suppose if you or i had to, i would be a Homoromantic Demisexual.

  3. I feel like demisexual more than anything else. I dont have a physical appearance preference, rather, the thing that would attract me to someone is their intellect and personality. I think my current relationship might be in shaky waters because of this im often accused by him of not having a very high libido. But honestly there are some things that two people can share in a relationship that just pales in comparison to sex that i deem more important. God as if the dating scene couldnt get anymore difficult then you add this too.

  4. I’m 100% asexual. Even thinking/reading about sex makes me sick to my stomach, and I want nothing to do with it. I don’t understand how an asexual person can ”like sex”.. how are they asexual if they enjoy sex? I thought sex disgusted asexual people. It disgusts me. Maybe I’m a different kind of asexual. Hmm.

    • An Asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction; the yearning for it; that does not automatically mean their parts do not respond with pleasure when having sex, so they could do it for that reason (or to satisfy their sexual partner). They simply do it out of masturbation not sexual attraction; no physical attraction but just the desire for pleasure; they probably wouldnt get turned on by things that normally initiate sex or experience a need for sex, but again, just the pleasure whether its by masturbation or sex.

      • actually i should clarify, i meant “the yearning for it with another person”. And porn can still be a turn on to any type of Asexual. So then doesnt that mean they actually desire sex? No, because faced with the option with another person they have no sexual attraction. Also, the part where i said they can do it to satisfy their partner comes more as a “i did this and it made them happy so it made me happy to do it for them,” not necessarily sexual satisfaction.

  5. After this I’m pretty much sure I’m graysexual. The vagueness of it suits me. I mean, I have sexual urges and desires- and I can look at someone and be like “they’re hot”- but when it comes to the actual sex act itself I feel totally disconnected from the act. Like I’m putting on a show or something- it’s just uncomfortable. Whereas when I’m on my own and just “playing around”, I feel much more sexually satisfied. I can be aroused on my own, thinking of someone else, or just plain fantasizing in my head, but if any of them were to ever come true in real life it’d just be weird for me. Graysexual panromantic- I feel like that suits me to a T, but how the hell am I supposed to explain that to people without coming off as an attention seeker or something? You tell people you like the idea of sex but not the sex act itself and they think you’re some sort of prude. Ugh.

    • This is exactly how it is for me too, I like the idea and I can find gratification myself but doing anything with anyone else is just not comfortable nor is it enjoyable.

    • i think the EXACT way! wow. i dont feel alone anymore. sometimes i think im not normal at all and its kind of annoying because sometimes i do want to have sex (only with someone i’d like) but when it finally happens its so..weird. i dont know its kind of boring or something because i just dont enjoy it . and i think its going to be like that for the rest of my life. i cant explain that to people because they r always like “you just havent had good sex, i could make you cum you know, i do it right” and stuff like that and ITS SO ANNOYING

    • This is an old comment, but I had to respond anyway.

      Whatwho’sthis, every word you wrote could’ve been written by me. Even some close friends can’t understand it, they just think I have a low libido. They can’t comprehend the distinction between infrequently wanting sex (their understanding) and infrequently meeting anyone who you’d like to have sex with (my reality).

      And I never describe myself as “gray-asexual panromantic,” because it’s obscure and complicated, and so much easier to be “straight and usually single.”

      So here’s to the gray-asexual panromantics of the world. May we each find what we’re looking for.

    • Thank you so much for posting this. I recently went through a traumatic experience with an ex that caused a huge shift in my sexuality. I used to be almost exclusively heterosexual heteroromantic, but this is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone.

      • Thank you all so much. It is very good to know that other people feel this way. As of the past year I have been questioning things and upright confused. I have no one to talk to and my parents strongly disaprove of anything but being straight or heterosexual/romantic. It really is great to know that other people know how I feel. I know this was from a long time ago but I felt like I should comment anyway.

  6. Never really understood that there is a definition for the way I have felt for so long and others who are like me. I enjoy and always have the fantasy of being with someone who I am attracted to ( which is rare for a dead-on heart-thumping kind ) I could survive for years and have just on someone I have met a few times to imagine us having a relationship of some kind. As I have gotten older ( almost 50 and in full menopause ) I do not even fantazise much about them in sexual; scenerios.

  7. Can I just say this article and website and also the article about masturbation have been so happy I could almost cry. Like, Ugh I guess you’d say I’m heteroromantic but I really have never had sexual attraction. The only time was when I was drunk and I was with this guy I had a crush on and we ended up having sex, but that was only because I liked him A LOT and also I think being tipsy helped relax me. But now that my crush on him is over it’s like: zilch, nada, nothing. So I can pretty confidently say now that I’m demisexual and it just feels really good to just know that about yourself. Ok thanks just thought I’d spew my spiel!

  8. Thank you for this, I’ve always been so confused about my sexuality. Although the fact that I’m hyper-rational always helped to keep the despair of not being “normal” away, it never really helped me figure out what I was. I still don’t have a label for myself, and I feel like I never will, but learning all of this about different kinds of sexualities always eases me, even though I know I still haven’t figured myself out yet. I can’t thank you enough for writing that last paragraph, that was the best thing I could possibly have read.

  9. I think I have finally found out what I am…a gray-A. Not good news, since my husband of 10 years has a high and very active sex drive. Wondering if it’s the end of our relationship?

    • I’m a panromantic grey ace, and am having the same issues with my boyfriend. Did you ever find a solution? Cuz I’d like some help.

  10. I think I’m homoromantic gray-asexual with heterosexual tendencies. Does that even make sense? I was born a girl, but I prefer to be thought of as a male, if any gender; I identify as genderless, but most places don’t set that as an option. I’m romantically attracted to males. I very very rarely feel sexual attraction, but when I do, it is towards females.

  11. Hi! So, I haven’t really chosen a definition yet, because I haven’t felt the need too, and because I haven’t found one that feels right. But reading through this post, I realized… I have no idea what sexual attraction means. Can anyone please explain that to me?

    • I am no expert but I believe that sexual attraction is a physical response to desire. A person experiences a trigger for the romantic it may be an act of love from the person with whom they are in love or for others it may be the body of a person they find attractive that causes their sexual organs to swell with desire for sexual intercourse. The nipples become erect as does the penis, the mouth becomes wet as does the vagina and the mind has flashes of sex acts with the person causing the trigger.

      • The physical reaction is arousal. Arousal is different from sexual attraction. There are many things that will lead to arousal (Tight fitting clothes, for example) which have nothing to do with attraction.

  12. I find myself looking at a woman, and fantasies more on how deeply in love we could be, rather than the thought of sex with them. The thought of sex outside of love is repulsive to me, disgusting in a way. I abolish porn, and I can not call a woman “hot” or “sexy” because I find it strange. Almost like I can’t say it.

  13. I used to think I was asexual. I had never felt sexual attraction towards anybody, never thought “they’re hot” or even had any sexual urges. I started going out with my current boyfriend after being friends for three years (so he knew about my “asexuality”) and now we have a very enjoyable sex life. Since he knew from the beginning, it’s not that I wanted to please him, it just happened. With him, it’s somehow different. I wasn’t physically attracted to him at the beginning at all. He’s an amazing person, but even in a non-sexual way (you know, I can intellectually say “this person is good looking”, even if I don’t feel attracted to them) I never thought of him as physically attractive. The thing is, even thought I like sex with him, I still get disgusted at the idea of sex in general, when I read about it, or in films etc. And while I love the experience with him, I could certainly live without it. So this page really touches a chord with me! Thank you x

    • Oh, give voice to the words inside my heart! :D

      So, for you, the sex is more an emotional connection, yes? I wouldn’t want to go up and cuddle with a stranger any more than I would want to have sex with them, that sort of thing. But with someone you’re involved with, it’s okay.

  14. I came across asexual and demisexual definitions today,research on trying to understand my non sexual boyfriend. I’ve accused him of cheating and of being gay. I have a very high sex drive. I’m 39 and at my sexual peak. I’ve been divorced for almost 10 yrs and when dating/relationships, I never experienced a man not desiring me or sex!
    I feel awful for accusing my boyfriend. He’s not perfect but I know he loves me and I believe I’ve found the reason or root of our continuous frustrations. We have been off n on a year now. We are very close,comfortable,compatible, etc. If we didn’t have any of this,I’m sure I would have gotten rid of him by now. I am ridiculously sexually frustrated!!! But we always find a way back to eachother. I love him very much and I hope we will be able to overcome our differences.
    Thanks for the information.

  15. I have always thought of myself as a heterosexual serial monogamist with a finicky sex drive. But perhaps I am a heteromantic demisexual. Labels never fit completely. But they are wonderful for opening the mind and getting people to think beyond themselves. The first steps toward tolerance and acceptance. These labels also start the communication process because each of us have a unique set of preferences that make up our sexuality that our partners need to know and understand.

  16. I think I’m hetero-demi or gray, but I can’t actually tell because I’m a virgin. It’s frustrating, because I’m going to have to have sex just to find out how it makes me feel, so I can confirm. Any advice? I find some guys sexy and hot, and some gross, but when I get to thinking about sex with the hot ones, my excitement gets iffy. Something about the act repulses me, and I’d like to try it and find out that it’s heaven. At the moment, I find sex gross. I can’t tell what I’ll end up feeling about it until I do the deed, and as much as I want to know my orientation, I don’t want sex for the sole purpose of finding out. What I find arousing is touching all over. I’m capable of imagining sex as amazing, but I get to the thoughts of him cumming, and the flesh, and eww. If real sex was like movie sex, with the passion without the nitty gritty details, I think I would be more open to it. In fact, as I write this, I’m currently in the mindset sex is disgusting because I’m having to think of the details. I think I want sex EVENTUALLY, but it’s ok if it doesn’t happen. I do feel very attracted to people, sometimes they happen to be fictional.(I’m very turned on by an anime character at the moment.) I do think what I want from a relationship is emotions, not sex. I want a man who really cares, and won’t get pissed if sex isn’t for me.

  17. for me sex and something i would want in an actual relationship are just completely different ball games. i get sexually attracted to people, but i dont want to actually have sex WITH them? or even date them? from that arousal, and never have sexual fantasies about actual people or ones that include myself having sex, just about the act itself, or just about cuddling? sometimes i see a guy that i think i might like to date, but that doesn’t include being sexually attracted to him. romance and sexual attraction and sex are all just in completely different boxes in my brain, i guess that makes me gray-sexual? even though i dont want to have sex with the people im sexually attracted to? like if one of them asked me out or something it would just be weird- i just dont know.

  18. I’m confused. I’ve read about gray asexuality and stuff but I don’t know if it equates to sex drive. To put some context. I’ve identified myself as a gay man. I think women are great but don’t find them sexually appealing. Men… I love them, I constantly see them but I rarely wanna pursue my desires or fantasies. And when I do… They bore the hell out of me. My fantasies are satisfied by some physical contact and within minutes I start feeling uncomfortable. I start worrying about the sheets, the smell and I get bored with them. I tend to think, let’s get off and get you out of my house. But since everybody has a higher sex drive than me, I tend to keep on going, for them.
    Sometimes sex is just plain repulsive or overwhelming after a while. I just feel the need to be left alone after the encounter, I feel awkward about people who can go on and on and still want more. It’s weird… I thought I was being picky about people. But coming to think about it, I’ve never fell in love. I have had boyfriends telling me they love me but I can’t reciprocate. Nonetheless I have created some strong bonds but not infatuation or an unstoppable sex desire. I think I’d rather be by myself and fantasize people than having then with me. Also, a sexual encounter can let my body be at peace for months, and that’s why I do it really, so I can focus on my life and not on sex.

    And I wonder why people say it’s fun or pursue it so much… I felt I was being nit picky, but it seems I’m not alone. However, I don’t feel that I fall within a specific category.

    Could it be that I’m homoromantic and gray asexual? Even if I experience sexual desire but not for long? What about sex drive?

  19. I started getting confused when my friends and I were talking about what type of people we are, meaning where we look first when determining if a person is hot or not. My bi-friend and my trans-gay friend both agreed that they’re ass people, but when they asked me I said face, which confused them. I’ve never stared at someone’s butt and it seems weird to me that you’d be looking there, or boobs or genitals. Is that weird? I can tell if a person’s hot or not but that doesn’t mean I want to sleep with him/her.

  20. I always felt different than other girls growing up. I never had crushes or even cared about the other boys, mainly because I didn’t talk to them. I wasn’t friends with them. Sure I liked their faces and bodies, but I never actually felt anything more. I have one good male best friend (who has a girlfriend) and I know him very well and I am physically attracted to him, but not romantically. But another guy I had never met before I was physically and strongly emotionally attracted to, but it was after I had talked to him for many months. But we stopped talking and those feelings kinda drifted away and now I feel nothing for him, in either category. I never had any other crushes on boys in my life, and I identify as heterosexual. I thought that I might be a lesbian but imagining being with girls didn’t feel right for me. I used to think to myself, “my boyfriend will have to be my friend first” I realized thats how I am. I am 18 and a virgin and I now identify as demisexual. Do I think Chris Hemsworth is attractive? yes, he has a nice body and features, other hot actors i feel the same way but i cant fawn over them like my friends do and I would never imagine having sex with them. They are nice to look at. But they don’t stir anything in me. I’ve come to an understanding about myself that, if i have a strong, open and close friendship with someone it opens the avenue for romantic feelings, (regardless of physical appearance) if not i cannot be attracted to them at all. It makes me feel better knowing how I feel is not strange in any way, just different from most people ^^

  21. I had identified as bisexual for a long time, but that was mostly because I dated both men and women. Now, being older and having considered my attraction to others at length, I find I identify as a panromantic grey-asexual.
    It surprises some of my friends, because they figure there’s only gay, straight and bisexual, but they’re getting used to it. I’m a good wingman, but only because I’m an actor. Elsewise, I’m ridiculously unattracted to anyone I’m talking to unless I’ve known them for years, and even then, nope.

  22. Demisexual… demisexual makes so much more sense.
    I’ve always hated the idea of sex, since it first started to become prominent in my life. Around 15 or 16, everyone was having sex, my friends convinced me to watch porn with them, would tell me about their sexual experiences, and it sounded awful. But I didn’t want to seem weird, so I went to experiment with a boy, a friend, when I was 18… and we didn’t even get past the kissy-gropey part. The kissing disgusted me. The groping I didn’t even notice, positively or negatively, but the kissing brought home the fact that we were, and would be, exchanging bodily fluid, and that about made me gag.
    Since then, I never tried again. I’ve tried my best to imagine myself with people on several occasions, but I get too grossed out, it just doesn’t “turn me on”, so to speak… I do enjoy masturbation. It relaxes me.
    And I do find people aesthetically appealing. I can think a lady is very beautiful, I can think a man is very handsome, but I can’t think about myself actually wanting sex with them.
    But I would like a family someday (with adopted kids, pregnancy is even worse than sex). And I know I’m capable of loving people very deeply. So, if I truly want someone to stay with me… I think I’d be willing to try and push aside my disgust and have sex with them (and god, do I hope it will be enjoyable for both parties).

    My therapist hardcore labelled me “asexual”, but I think demisexual is much more fitting for my situation.

    Thank you so much for making this site! It clears up so many years of confusion and self-doubt. Thank you!

    • Far be it from me to tell someone else how to identify.

      That said, I’m not sure what it is that makes you think you are demisexual instead of asexual or grey-a. Having read your comment, it seems as if you’ve never experienced sexual attraction to anyone. I’m not sure if this is true, but if it is then it would point to you being asexual, not demisexual. Masturbation and appreciation of how people look are very common in asexual people, so if that’s why you think you might be demi- then I want to point that out.

      One other thing. You say towards the end of your comment, “if I truly want someone to stay with me… I think I’d be willing to try and push aside my disgust and have sex with them”. Just remember that if you’re looking for someone who appreciates you as a person, then they should be willing to stay with you despite your disinterest in sex. There’s no need to do something you truly dislike just to keep someone around.

  23. I’m consider myself a heteromantic asexual. I still find men aesthetically pleasing, but I have no desire whatsoever to have sex with them. I’ve never actually been in a relationship, so I could be demi, but I’m not sure. I’m also not entirely sure if I can call myself romantic. I feel like I want a relationship someday but I also can’t imagine myself in a relationship. Sometimes I’m not even sure if I’m capable of forming deep, emotional bonds. All I know is that I’ve never felt sexual attraction in my life and the idea of having sex is completely foreign and gross to me.

  24. Thank you for this article. For a long time now I’ve wondered if I’m asexual or aromantic or something, as I have never felt “attracted” in any way to anyone really (although I do enjoy masturbation). But at the same time I’ve never been comfortable calling myself “Asexual” due to my ability to enjoy masturbation and presumably sex if I were to experience it. I believe best grey-asexual describes my experience, so now I have something to tell people when they ask “What’s the matter, are you gay?”

  25. Thank you so much for this article. After many years of confusion I’ve finally identified myself as Grey-A. I’ve told only one person so far. Mainly because it’s something that not many people seem to know about and it’s very hard to explain! Your article on it is to the point and easy to understand which is why in the future anyone I want to tell about it I will refer them here, making things a lot easier. Thanks for this :) from Alanna in NZ

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