I could jump in and bug you about boners but I feel like I’d be invading or otherwise asking a stupid question?

Q:  Tbh it’s hard to think of male specific questions about asexuality? I mean I could jump in and ask you about the sexual expectations attached to masculinity or bug you about boners but I feel like I’d be invading or otherwise asking a stupid question?

In some of the other questions, I addressed a few things about the sexual expectations attached to masculinity, so I might as well talk about boners and my relationship with them.  So if you don’t want to read about that, skip the rest of this post.

First of all, they’re kinda weird.  If you touch some body part the right way, it inflates.  Sometimes it randomly inflates on its own.  That’s strange.

They are often inconvenient.  They’ll make clothes suddenly uncomfortable.  They’ll make it difficult to go to the bathroom.  And sometimes they’re hard to get rid of, because they make it become more sensitive, so any touch will keep it going, and at the same time, they’ve made it bigger, so it’s more likely to brush against things.

But enough about technical things for now…  This is supposed to be about asexuality in some way.

I’ve never cared about my size.  I’ve never felt like I needed it to be bigger, and I’ve never worried about how I stack up against others.  I don’t know if that’s because I’m asexual or not, but that probably has something to do with it.  It’s big enough for what I do with it, and I don’t have to care about whether my partner prefers or expects a different size.  (Although, I will admit to getting out a ruler out of statistical curiosity…)

I don’t tend to get them randomly, at least not anymore.  (The hormone soup of the early teens, however, that’s a different story…)  I’ll sometimes have one when I wake up, but other than that, I generally don’t get one unless I want one.  This is at least partially due to asexuality, because I’m not randomly turned on by people when I’m out and about.

They’ve never made a decision for me.  The entire concept of “letting my pants do the thinking” is weird to me.  Even if I get one unexpectedly, I never feel like I have to do anything with it or I’ll explode.  I honestly don’t know how much of this is asexuality having an effect and how much of it is other people exaggerating their experiences.

Their presence and utility was probably the single biggest factor that prevented me from realizing I was asexual for years.  I was told that erections were a signal of attraction.  I was told that masturbation required lustful thoughts.  Even though I didn’t feel any attraction and didn’t typically have any lustful thoughts (And, for the most part, had to force myself to have them when I did have them…), I figured it all had to be there somewhere.  I wish I had known that asexuality existed and that it’s possible to get erections and even masturbate and still be asexual.

How the frick do you deal with boners?

Q: This is weird but How the frick do you deal with boners Because like They’re kinda uncontrollable sometimes So like What do

It’s been years since I’ve had them run wild, and even then, it didn’t seem to be as much of a problem for me as other people described.

Anyway, here’s some tips:

  1. Wear looser fitting clothes.  Tight clothes are double trouble.  First, the tightness tends to cause things to rub, and that can lead to it happening more frequently.  Second, because the clothes are tight, it tends to be more visible when it happens.  Looser clothes don’t rub as much and give more space to that sort of thing to hide in.
  2. Briefs.  Kinda contradicts the looser clothes directive, but if you get the right size, they won’t be tight enough to constantly cause problems, but they will help contain and direct the issue when it occurs.
  3. Change how you sit.  Erections are caused by constricted blood flow.  Sitting a certain way might end up cutting off the blood supply.  A quick adjustment to the way you’re sitting might let that blood drain out.
  4. Masturbate.  Taking care of business once in a while might help calm things down.  Now, this might not be an option for you, so if it’s not, don’t worry about it.
  5. Don’t worry too much about it.  Most people aren’t going to notice.  And remember that other people have the same problem, and since you’re ace, it’s probably happening less for you and in less embarrassing situations than it does for other people.