How do aces/aros identify a lack of something?

Q: How do aces/aros identify a lack of something? Without ever having known that something personally, I’m finding it difficult in my neverending journey of questioning myself.

I looked around at what everyone else was talking about, how they felt, what they were interested in, and realized that I had never felt what they were talking about.

Being a guy, and hanging around with other guys, the topic of “hot women” tends to come up once in a while.  Eventually, I just sort of realized that I never was interested in anyone they mentioned.

That actress is hot?

That model is hot?

That figure skater is hot?

That waitress is hot?

That coworker is hot?

The first few times, maybe they’re pretending, but not when this consistently happens year after year, person after person.  There was just no way that such a grand conspiracy involving pretty much every man I’d ever met would be possible.  So they had to be feeling something.

While I could reasonably accurately identify whether or not someone else would think someone was hot, no one ever triggered my own hotness sensor.  Discovering that “hotness” was not a concept that made intrinsic sense to me went a long way towards identifying that lack.

In a way, it’s sort of like detecting a black hole.  You can’t actually see it, but you can detect its effects, and so you can infer whether or not a black hole exists at a given place based on the presence or absence of these effects.

One thought on “How do aces/aros identify a lack of something?

  1. I think, with me, it all started when I was just a toddler. My mother asked me for a kiss & I would just stare at her. She asked my younger brother for a kiss & he would run over to her & give her a kiss and a big hug.
    I never really liked hugs, even as I got older. But I was forced into it, no matter what I said. Even just touch or being tapped on the shoulder. It’s not a German phobia, I just don’t want to be touched. I don’t like people just assuming it’s okay. I would wipe my shoulder off because I could still feel the sensation. Then I would get teased because everyone thought that I was wiping away germs. That wasn’t it. You know if you bump your shoulder on something, you might rub it? Even if it didn’t hurt, it’s like a reflex. That’s what it was like for me, even if someone were to just tap my shoulder.

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