Do you ever have sexual fantasies?

Q:  Do you ever have sexual fantasies? If so, do you design them or are they subconsiously-sourced or are they the work of other people (a la pornography)? Do you find them arousing, enjoyable, and/or annoying?

Not really, but I have tried.  I’ve never really been all that successful.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a natural fantasy that just came out of nowhere.  It’s always been something that I’ve deliberately had to think about.

“I am going to have a fantasy now.  I am going to imagine a sexual situation.  I am going to imagine another sexual situation.  I am going to imagine…  Damn it, I lost my place and have to start over.”

Yeah, like I said, not very successful.

It takes a lot of mental effort to try to conjure up a fantasy and keep it going.  The more complicated and detailed it is, the more difficult it is.  With all the effort involved, it typically ends up more distracting than arousing.  Typically, I can only manage a few seconds at a time, so it’s just not worth it.

It was always strange to me to hear people claim that masturbation required sexual fantasy, because I managed just fine without them.

I can never mentally put myself into a pornographic scene.  It just doesn’t work that way for me at all.  I can’t imagine myself involved in that way.

4 thoughts on “Do you ever have sexual fantasies?

  1. I have sexual fantasies about OTHER people, always fictive, like characters in a book or a TV show. Usually my own characters (I’m a writer). That can get me very aroused and I have no problem keeping up with the fantasy, sometimes I’ve even managed to masturbate to it, but when it gets serious I forget about the fantasy and focus on me.
    But I would NEVER fantasize about myself in a sexual context (or any other context for that matter), and I could NEVER fantasise about someone I know IRL och who does actually exist (like a celebrity). It has to be fiction and very far from me (that’s why I imagine two guys, I’m a homoromantiv girl, so there’s no way I can confuse it with myself).
    I’ve found the term aegosexual, as in a-ego, not me-sexual. However I don’t know if I’m “allowed” to call myself asexual? I’ve never experienced sexaul attraction in real life and my only motivation to sex is to try it once so I know what everyone is talking about. Lately I’ve questioned that though, and the things I’ve done with my ex girlfriend its enough for me to know that I wouldn’t get any personal gain from it. It’s just something you’re supposed to do when you’re in a relationship.
    So, I’m a bit labelly confused… I’ve called myself lesbian, but I’m not very good at the sexpart. I’ve called myself asexual, but I’m not very good at the anti-sex part. And aegosexual is so fucking rare as a term so no one will ever understand it, and I feel it’s kind of private any way. So I say I’m a homoromantic asexual, subgroup aegosexual. Don’t know if I’m “allowed” to, but I think that’s what fits me best.
    However I’ve been very ashamed of my fantasies, as I am kind of asexual, and then you’re not supposed to fantasize, right?
    God, I don’t know what I’m writing any more, I’m just confused and scared that I can’t call myself what I want to call myself, because I never fit any clear cut definititions. I’m such a fucking unicorn…

    • Fyi, being asexual doesn’t mean you’re anti sexual. I just means you lack the attraction or desire for partnered sexual activity. There are sex positive aces. I’m more toward indifferent myself.

      • Thank you for your reply. I’ve grown used to the label asexual, and actually feel comfortable with it now. I guess it takes some time to accept it. Now all that remains is finding an other asexual lesbian – but I do have a contact online that seems promising… So I keep my fingers crossed!

        • I know this comment os over a year old now but I just have to tell you that reading your post was almost like looking into a mirror.
          I am the same with fantasizing about fictional characters if I fantasize about anything at all and the thought of inserting myself or somebody I know into these fantasies makes me feel uneasy.

          The only difference is that I had a hetero relationship with a boy in the past.

          Anyway, I’m glad that I’m not the only person who feels this way because, to be honest, I am struggling with myself if I would be considered ace or demi or whatever because I just don’t know where to put these fantasies. in the whole thing.

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