Do asexuals masturbate?
“Maybe” isn’t an answer.
But it’s accurate.
No, really, do they?
No. And yes. It depends on the person.
So some asexuals masturbate?
Correct. And some don’t. It’s perfectly fine either way.
Do you masturbate?
That is an extremely personal question and is quite rude to ask. Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean that it’s somehow okay to ask me that.
But do you?
Yes. And I’m good at it, too. But if I weren’t writing a post about asexuality and masturbation, that little tidbit would be absolutely none of your damn business.
How can an asexual masturbate?
For the most part, they just kinda rub until-
No, I meant, how can someone who masturbates be considered asexual?
Simple. Masturbation has nothing to do with sexual orientation. A gay person doesn’t engage in some sort of homosexual masturbation. A straight person is still straight even if they don’t touch themselves now and then. It’s no different for asexuality.
But masturbating is a sexual act. You can’t perform sexual acts and still be asexual.
Certainly, masturbation is a sexual activity performed using sexual organs and it produces a sexual response. There’s a misconception that an asexual must be devoid of all sexual properties and sexual responses and cannot experience sexual pleasure. I used to believe that myself, in fact, before I discovered what asexuality really is. I used to think that I couldn’t be asexual because I masturbate. But not the case at all. Asexuality is all about attraction, not action, it’s an orientation, not behavior. Being asexual does not mean one cannot or does not take part in sexual activities. Being asexual means one does not experience sexual attraction. Asexual people generally can and sometimes do take part in sexual activity. Masturbation is the most common.
Why would an asexual person bother to masturbate?
- Sometimes they do it to relax.
- Sometimes they do it as a stress reliever.
- Sometimes they do it because they’re bored.
- For women, it can help with period pain.
- For men, it can help with embarrassing issues like spontaneous erections or nocturnal emissions.
- Sometimes they consider it a bodily function.
- Sometimes they do it because their libido wants them to.
- Sometimes they do it to prevent prostate cancer.
- Sometimes they do it because it’s like “scratching an itch”.
- Sometimes they like to perform a self-test to make sure everything is in working order.
- Sometimes they just want to.
- And, oh yeah, going out on a limb here, but could be because orgasms tend to feel good.
In other words, asexuals masturbate for pretty much the same reasons non-asexuals do. (Please note that this is not meant to be a complete list of possible reasons.)
So, it’s okay to be asexual and masturbate. It’s okay to like it, too. It doesn’t cancel out your asexuality, it doesn’t minimize your asexuality, it doesn’t mean you’re faking your asexuality.
How can someone who has an orgasm still claim to be asexual?
Having an orgasm does not, in any way, invalidate someone’s asexuality. An orgasm is a physical response to stimulation. It’s not related to one’s sexual orientation, it doesn’t require sexual attraction to work. To say that someone who has an orgasm can’t be asexual anymore is ridiculous. When a heterosexual has an orgasm, it’s not somehow a function of a heterosexual orientation. When a bisexual has an orgasm, it’s not a “bisexual orgasm”. So why would it be any different for an asexual? Why would the asexual orientation somehow get canceled out by an orgasm? Am I suddenly turned straight or turned gay by an orgasm? How would that happen? I wasn’t attracted to anyone before the orgasm and I’m still not afterward, so if I’m not asexual anymore, what am I?
Do asexuals enjoy orgasms?
In general, yes. I know I do.
How do asexuals masturbate?
Exactly the same way someone who isn’t asexual does, with all the variants that implies. There’s no such thing as “asexual” masturbation. We’ll use the same methods, techniques, and implements as everyone else. We’ll range in frequency from absolutely never to several times a day.
“Implements”? You mean sex toys?
Yes. Like many non-asexual people, some asexuals will use sex toys to help them get off. In fact, I probably have a larger collection of toys than most non-asexual people.
(And for the record, males can and do use sex toys, too.)
But some of these “implements” are anatomically correct. Doesn’t using them mean the person is attracted to the anatomical part it’s a facsimile of?
Absolutely not. Anatomically correct toys are designed that way because that shape is obviously quite effective at achieving the desired stimulation. Using something that works doesn’t somehow make someone less asexual. Or maybe they’re using one because they liked the color or because it was in the $5 bin. It doesn’t matter. Using sex toys of any kind, from a formless bullet vibrator up to a fully anatomically correct RealDoll does not mean someone is not asexual.
So, if you’re not attracted to people, what do you think about while you’re going at it?
Well, this is certainly different for different people, but here’s some things I think about: Furniture. Vacation plans. The weather. The day at work. Things I did with my ex-girlfriend. Politics. Things I did with myself in the past. Some TV show or movie I watched. Video game music from the 80s. However, for the most part, my thoughts are “That feels good” and “That feels even better”.
Wait… “Things I did with my ex-girlfriend”? How can you think about that and consider yourself asexual?
I can think about that because it felt good. I never found her sexually attractive. However, just because I never found her sexually attractive doesn’t mean that I didn’t find her sexually effective. When I was stimulated by her, it was extremely pleasurable and it did lead to orgasm. The memory of that sensation is extremely arousing. It’s not a memory of her body or a longing to have sex with her again. I was sort of bored when I had sex with her, even though it did feel good.
Don’t you ever fantasize?
Personally, I never really fantasize. I’ve tried, but it never works. My mind always focuses on the details and the stage direction and never on the imagining having sex part. Fantasies always seem to end up more distracting than anything. It’s so much effort to get the imaginary naked woman in the right pose and performing the right motions that the slightest stray thought would kick me out of the fantasy and force me to start over. (Not to mention that the thought of the imaginary naked woman in any pose never really did anything for me…) The one that’s come the closest to working is imagining myself demonstrating how I masturbate to someone else, which isn’t really much of a fantasy and usually just leads to me dropping the other person and going back to just thinking “That feels good”.
Some other asexuals will fantasize while masturbating. Often, they’ll describe it as imagining a sexual situation with a placeholder partner. Essentially a faceless, sometimes genderless prop that’s only there to provide an element that would be missing otherwise. For instance, they may imagine a person with a mouth performing oral sex on them. In this case, their thoughts are focused on the act itself and not any kind of attraction to the person performing the act. Sometimes the placeholder will be there to fulfill a fetish that the person finds arousing, in which case the focus is on the object of the fetish, and not the placeholder.
It always used to seem strange to me that so many people would say that you couldn’t masturbate without thinking of someone while doing it. There’s the religious thought that the reason masturbation is considered sinful is that it requires lust in the form of a fantasy, and I never understood that because I never needed lust, so why did anyone else? I would just grab it and go, without thinking about anyone. It was very mechanical. Fun, but mechanical.
How can you get aroused if you’re not thinking of someone sexually?
You don’t have to think of someone sexually in order to get aroused. You don’t have to be sexually attracted to anyone or anything in order to masturbate. You don’t have to be sexually attracted to someone to experience and enjoy an orgasm. All you have to do is touch your sensitive bits in the right way and presto! (And sometimes it doesn’t even take that much…) There’s a reward there that doesn’t require sexual attraction. I understand that, for most people, fantasy and attraction certainly helps the process, and I’m not disputing that. But it’s not a requirement.
Why would an asexual start to masturbate in the first place if they’re not turned on by someone?
Any number of reasons. Sometimes they’re told that it feels good and want to try it out. Other times their libido will kick in and downstairs will start screaming out for attention. And sometimes it’s because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do, after all, it seems like everyone else is.
In my case, in fifth grade sex ed (Which was basically nothing more than a vocabulary lesson) introduced me to the terms “masturbation” and “orgasm”. Masturbation was defined as “the self-stimulation of the genitals to orgasm” and orgasm was “an intense pleasurable sensation in the genitals”, and I eventually put the two definitions together and realized that it was something I wanted to try. I eventually managed to work out how it was done some time later.
You mentioned a libido? An asexual person can’t have a libido.
Actually, many asexuals do have a libido or a “sex drive”. They’ll have “urges” and desire sexual stimulation. But while for a non-asexual person, those urges tend to be directed toward another person, for an asexual, they’re often directionless. But that’s a topic for another post entirely…
What about porn?
What about it?
Do asexuals use porn?
You’re just asking that so you can say “Ha, gotcha!” when I answer, aren’t you?
No, not at all. Do they?
Ha! Gotcha! You can’t be asexual if you use porn!
I knew it…
Anyway, yes, asexuals sometimes will use porn while they masturbate. And no, it does not mean that they’re not asexual.
People who watch porn don’t necessarily find the performers sexually attractive. People who watch porn don’t always want to participate with the performers.
Consider it another way. Watching a cooking show on TV doesn’t necessarily make you want to cook whatever they’re fixing on the show, does it? You might not even like whatever it is. But it’s food, people are eating, and that makes you hungry. So you go get a bag of chips.
With porn, you might not want to do what they’re doing, you might not even like what they’re doing, but you may find it to be arousing simply because they’re aroused. You watch it and think “They seem to be enjoying what they’re doing. I have one of those, too, and I bet that feels good. Now I want to feel good.”
Enjoying porn has no bearing on your sexual orientation. Research has shown that women who are straight will often have a strong arousal response to lesbian scenes. And the very existence of the “money shot” in porn aimed at straight men should put any argument to rest. After all, if straight men didn’t find the shot of another man having an orgasm and ejaculating (Often by his own hand) to be arousing on some level, then why would it be so prevalent? It doesn’t mean that the viewer is secretly gay and repressed. It just means that they don’t necessarily have to feel sexual attraction toward something to be aroused by it.
In my case, I find most porn to be dull, uninteresting, and repetitive. I get more out of the sense that the performers are legitimately having a good time and experiencing pleasure than I do from the way they look or what they’re doing. I am very easily distracted by things in the background, like movies on a shelf or views out the window. And things like poor lighting and poor camera work will absolutely kill a scene. Sometimes I’ll watch porn for educational purposes, to see how other people do things and pick up a few tricks and techniques.
What about asexuals who don’t masturbate or don’t enjoy it?
Then they don’t masturbate or don’t enjoy it. Not every asexual has to masturbate. Not every asexual that does masturbate has to enjoy it. If you don’t masturbate, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry about it and don’t worry about what other people might think. It’s no one’s business but your own.
Will masturbating make someone not asexual somehow?
Masturbation isn’t suddenly going to make you not asexual anymore, so don’t feel like you have to try it to know for sure that you’re ace. I’m pretty solid evidence that no amount of masturbation is likely to change your orientation. At most, you might discover that you like the way it feels and want to keep doing it.
What about asexuals who are curious about trying it?
If you’re looking for a step-by-step instruction guide, nope, not going there. I do have some other advice, though.
Second: Don’t turn it into a chore. Presumably you’re doing it because you want it to be fun. It won’t be fun if it’s a chore.
Don’t feel defeated if you don’t get anywhere your first attempt, because you probably won’t. No one does. You’re not a failure and your equipment probably isn’t defective. It’s a learned skill and takes practice. I probably had to try for months before I got anywhere. Of course, those were the days before search engines, so it was all trial and error for me. At any rate, persistence is the key. You need to find out what works for you and not be afraid to try something new. And don’t be afraid of calling in a little bit of artificial assistance. Many people, male, female, or otherwise, will use lubricants or toys to help them get off.
Don’t feel guilty, as if you’re betraying your asexuality. You’re not.
You don’t necessarily need a libido in order to become aroused. It probably helps, but it’s not required. With the right mindset and the right stimulation, you can usually wake things up downstairs. Honestly, I’m not even sure I have a libido. I rarely, if ever, feel “urges” or feel “horny”, or any of the other things people describe as a libido at work. Whenever I masturbate, I usually have to spend a bit of time getting myself ready. However, I have read things which claim that sexual activity itself in some cases may increase libido in a sort of feedback effect. The more you do, the more you want. So you may have a dormant libido that masturbation could potentially awaken.
And most of all, if you don’t like it, stop. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. If you’re not getting anything out of it, don’t do it and don’t worry about it.
I’ll just leave you with this:
If you’re asexual and you masturbate, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate to porn, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate to porn, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate using sex toys, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you don’t masturbate using sex toys, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate and you like it, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you masturbate and you don’t like it, then you’re still asexual.
If you’re asexual and you want to masturbate, but haven’t, then you’re still asexual.
(Please also see the companion post I wrote for Asexual Awareness Week, which elaborates more on my personal views on the topic, and where I stole a number of lines from: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/aaw-day-6-masturbation/ )
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this helped me a lot. I’ve been wondering if i’m asexual for a while, but since i masturbate and watch porn while having no desire for actual sex its been really confusing. thank you for all the information.
Just because you do not desire sex does not mean you are asexual, If you do not find people sexually attractive then you are.
Wow, that was informative!
As for myself, I’m still debating whether or not I’m asexual or demi-sexual. It’s tricky. You’re definitely right about there not being a defining trait that makes you one or the other. I too love masturbating to very kinky porn, but being around living people is uneasy. I think some of the uneasy is from being socially awkward. I tried dating men, but it made me uncomfortable. Tried dating a woman AND tried to sleep with her…was not as hot as I thought it would be. But then again, just about any activity is uneasy when I’m around people, sexual or not. So I stopped worrying and just hope that if I do find a partner, sexually active or not, we’ll at least be happy together. Sex or no sex.
But this is great. You see, I’m a cartoonist, and one of my character’s is asexual. I wanted to learn about all the kinds of asexuals before I finalize the character, because I’m putting her at the high end of the spectrum; no interest, no sex drive, no te gusta. (Which is perfect, because her enemy is a polysexual rapist nymphomaniac…. delightful contrast!) I’m glad I got a lot of info from you about this.
Thank you. You just helped someone in their twenties realise their own orientation.
I would consider myself as a asexual, and a proud one, because I have no desires in having sex with any humans of either gender. However I am extremely into masturbation, and may look at females online when I do. Adult females photos are great masturbating tools for me. But because I look at them, doesn’t mean I want sex with them. Sex is completely out, it does nothing for me no matter how good looking she is, or how good she is in bed. I don’t like sex period! .. However I do masturbate on regular daily basis all the time, I love it. So was this kind of personal to throw out there? (yeah maybe) … But if I don’t throw it out there, than the world will never know or learn how some folks can be.
Thnx for this site!
Thank you so much for this article…
I thought I was a monster because I used to watch porn when I was younger, and I masturbate, which, for a girl, is considered as not “usual”, but I don’t have any sexual desire for anybody, male or female. I thought I couldn’t say I was asexual because of this, even if I felt I was. But since I’ve discovered those informations I can now proudly say I’m asexual, really, and I don’t have to feel lost and guilty anymore. Furthermore, I now have arguments to explain my situation and defend myself.
Thank you for this!
Thank you so much for this article. I am still in my teens (17) but i have never ever felt anything more than ‘i want to cuddle with someone’. I have thought that i might be asexual for a long time now because all of my friend are talking how they want to do person X and Y and so on… And i have never felt anything like that. I just thought i was a weirdo for not wanting to have sex with someone… I masturbated and rarely (not anymore because i just don’t get turned on by it) watched porn so i couldn’t be asexual… All of my doubts have been cleared. Thank you once again!
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thank you so much for this! I’ve been wondering for a while if I’m asexual. See cause I’m 21 and I’ve never had any desire to have sex, or felt any sexual attraction to anyone, but I masturbate and look at porn sometimes so I thought I couldn’t be asexual.
All the other forums I went to about this issue just made jokes about plants and said asexuals weren’t a real thing.
Thank you for this article, it’s been very helful to me. I’ve been wondering about my sexuality for a while now, because I do masturbate and sometimes look at porn, but have never felt any sort of sexual attraction towards anyone. For me, love can exist without sex, but sex wouldn’t work for me without love. Since I have never had sex, I don’t even know if I would enjoy it with someone I loved and trusted.
One thing I have never understood is other people’s use of the words “sexy” or “hot”, especially when directed at a complete stranger. I have learned to identify who would be thought of as such by my “sexual” friends, but just don’t feel it for myself, even if I think of those persons as “good-looking” or “aesthetically pleasing”, or even as “cute”.
This in itself made me think that I was asexual, but didn’t match with the fact that I masturbate and usually don’t consider it a chore. But I have realised that it is more the psychology of sex, as other people seem to experience it, that interests me than the acts themselves, let alone the people engaging in them.
So thank you for clearing up my confusion on this point.
This clears up a lot for me, thanks!
Though the only thing nagging me about what I am is my fetish.
I have a leg fetish and legs arouse me. So do (which I hate to admit) feet, sometimes. Depending on like, the angle and stuff…
ANYWAY, Im not really aroused by people or anything but am when it comes to those, which I understand still makes me asexual, because that’s a fetish (right?). but am I right in saying, I go to certain materials; porn, hentai, legs<3 because I'm in the mood, because they're not putting me in the mood. Except legs, and sometimes feet… Depending on the angle :|
…It's hard to word…
I think what I'm trying to say is, because I satisfy myself with certain material I'm still asexual?
And even if I get aroused by my fetish, again, still asexual?
I feel the same way! There are some fetishes that arouse me profoundly but I have no desire to act on them I just like the idea(? I love masturbating tho. I read somewhere about asexual fetishist but man is it difficult to find specific answers…
this helped me a lot, thank you
I can now sleep easy.. I am new to this Asexuality thing as its a recent discovery.. <3 Thankyou
Thank you a lot!
I’m only 17 but i always felt weird because all of my friends are having sex and all this stuff and i never liked the thought of it… all said that sex is awesome and stuff, and when i said that i think i’m asexuel they said that it can’t be because girls masturbate too! (Yeah i’m a girl)
And i watch lesbian porn but i never felt like… lesbian because i didn’t want to have sex with them, but when i masturbate it’s so much easier because yeah you’re doing it to yourself kinda.
So yeah thanks for that^^ (i hope it isn’t like too early for me to say that i’m asexuel because i’m 17 and never had sex or a relationship^^)
Interesting to read.
I have been wondering if i am asexual for a long time. I feel it is hard to tell, as i have had 3 sexual partners so far in my life. And i mastrubate relativly often.
BUT the thing is that i love to masturbate. It feels really good. While having sex feels like something i have to do since i am in a relationship. I love to cuddle and kiss, but as soon as it turn to sex i just want it to be over as fast as possible.
With my first boyfriend we did it a lot. It was many years ago so i dont really remember much of what i was thinking, exept i almost always only did it because he wanted to. So i felt like i had to.
With my second boyfriend i was so happy that he finished quicky! It was perfect for me.
My third sex partner i met afer bringing him home while i was drunk. And he wanted to continue having sex. I liked to go to the cinema, bowling and stuff, but it always had to end with sex. And i HATED IT! He took FOREVER!!! I got so bored. I tried to tell him i wasent interested in sex. He said he understood, but still always wanted sex. So i am currently avoiding/ignoring him….
So since i have had “a lot” of sex i think “then i can’t be asexual”, But then i can’t remember ever WANTING to have sex…. It just feel like a task i have to do while in a relationship…. I want someone to share stories about the day and stuff with. But i really don’t want the sex part. So i am currently content with being single. And so tired of the people around me asking when i will date again….
But am i asexual, or just had some form for “bad” sexual experience at one point and would want to have sex if i find “the right one?” I don’t know……
Very good reading, I am asexual, I define myself as not needing sex all the time but I do get moments of arousal, Sometimes it is directed to someone, since I can find someone attractive but does not mean I want to have sex with said person. I just look at it like this, Sex does not dominate my life
Thanks. no really, thank you very much for this article. I’ve been in a tough spot regarding my sexuality for a while now. Because I’ve never been able to identify what my orientation regarding sexuality was. I always thought I was sexually attracted to something for sure because I’ve been a pretty hormonal person ever since I hit puberty and have been masturbating and fantasizing about sexual situations between fictional characters quite often. But have never really been interested in pursuing a partner and having sex with them, it never even crossed my mind when I look at other people. It took a while to realize that whenever I fantasized it was always about some form of fictional pairing, longer to realize that whenever I pleasured myself I never imagined people, or sex, I just went at it because it made me feel good and it felt like I was scratching an itch away, and even much longer to finally acknowledge that I was really not interested in people of any gender or sex in general. But I always thought there wasn’t a way for me to be asexual with how active I was in the sexual department. this article helped a lot for me to understand my situation a little better.
What about me? I find no man or woman sexually attractive and yet I masturbate for god knows what reason. No man/woman makes me want them sexually. I only find some people attractive platonically based on their personality like having crushes on celebs. I like the idea of a romantic relationship but not sex.
You are right, I do not want sex but t here are times I do
We all have fantasies but there is nothing wrong with that, you just think on another level but you are free to do what you want aslong as it does not hurt someone
Hi. Your page is very informative, but I gotta do more research. I’m 40+, had 2 /male/ partners, last sex was 15 years ago and I didnt have an /vaginal/ orgasm.
However, I masturbate and have orgasms every day, thinking about people/situations from tv/movies, that i find attractive at that moment, also creating my own.
Not sure if I’m asexual or not, but I wont give myself headache over that. Just gonna enjoy life and not worry about labels… :)
Thank you so much for the article. I am a male who has had many relationships in past and got divorced recently. The way my last relationship went made me question myself–I wouldn’t be interested in having sex for months at a time and only would under extreme pressure and felt like it was a chore. My ex-wife frequently told me I am not normal because of not wanting to have sex… This article is fantastic and the more research I do into asexuals the more I identify myself. I would always have partners and sex because everybody did and because it was “normal”. I like masturbating but am not sexually attracted to anybody. I do feel the need to be romantically involved but more like in a good friendship although I find female body beautiful and especially boobs, I think it may be because the artistic value. This I am still confused about, I find mane male bodies beautiful as well as female but naked females seem nicer and more beautiful to me… Will continue my informational quest to see what really is up with me…
Hey! I’ve gone out before, one date with one boy and four with another (That’s literally my entire experience dating ) largely because I either felt bad for turning them down or felt I needed to have some sort of significant other. I don’t feel romantic feelings towards people, and when they flirt with me it’s sometimes nice to get attention, but largely I just want them to go away. I handle myself, and once in a while I’ll try to fantasize but it is vague and strange. I do get sexual urges, and frequently, and I do like the idea of love, but I have never been attracted to either gender in either way. Does this make me asexual?
Thank you so much. My girlfriend is asexual and I was a bit confused at some of the things she said she enjoyed and I thought she couldn’t be asexual if she felt turned on at the end of the day, but this post has been very enlightening to those questions.
I know I’m a asexual, a 100% asexual. I’m a male, 54 years old. I don’t like sex, in fact I can’t stand sex, it does absolutely nothing for me. Have I tried sex? Of course, years ago and didn’t like it. But do I masturbate? Damn right I do, and so doesn’t the straight people, bi’s, gays, etc, and anyone else almost.
My sexual fantasies isn’t about others, it’s about about what turns me on (my own ideas), not what other genders can do for me. I refuse to give any examples here in publicity, so my apologies there. I do like the idea of sharing my sexual fantasies with other women, although I don’t go forward with it. But no more than others enjoys sharing theirs sometimes, whether it’ll be online, or with a significant other. Except my fantasies are different. They’re a little off the wall fantasies, but they’re harmless and they’re mine. It involves no one else, only me. I been asexual my whole life, and a proud one of it too!
“Enjoying porn has no bearing on your sexual orientation”
Is that completely true?
“Research has shown that women who are straight will often have a strong arousal response to lesbian scenes.”
Then couldn’t that mean they are more gay than they think?
Wouldn’t an asexual that gets aroused by porn be more of a graysexual?
So is what you’re saying is that asexual can enjoy porn not on a sexual orientation level, but on an empathetic level?
I am a male and a total asexual (full disclosure I am heteroromantic) but enjoy porn and masturbate too.I don’t do it that often but sometimes my body asks for it and I treat it just as any other bodily function (like needing to pee, for example). I used to do it more when I was younger than now in my late twenties. I found that what I perhaps enjoy the most in porn is seeing the “performers” enjoy themselves and see how they are sexually attracted to each other and some xxx movies show it well, most don’t… It is hard to explain but personally I wouldn’t imagine myself being one of them or fantasizing about being with the women that I see in the video. Sometimes I like their physical features (my personal ideal looks) but mostly I don’t but regardless I have no sexual interest whatsoever haha… One more funny fact is personally I find vagi*a something really ugly and oftentimes skip through parts that show details of it just to see the attraction between them. I guess that is really the only thing that I like about porn and the fact that it makes me feel normal for a sec …
This really helped me…. I’m really confused if I’m really asexual because
I watch porn a lot and masturbates too, and sometimes with toys but it becomes more of something I do because I always do it– a habit of sorts.
Though watching[porn] becomes a bit repetitive and I only use porn because it’s hard for me to fantasize…
I tried involving myself with sexual acts but it doesn’t really feel right. I don’t feel anything during the act and I’m only doing it not for my benefit. And I don’t want anything to be done with me, just fine with pleasing the other.
So this made it a bit clear for me and alleviated my confusion.
I have had a lot of comments from people that I was weird, I asked them why they wanted sex. “Because it feels good” well it does not to me and I am the strange one that does not go out looking for the next shag…. I am weird anyway but who knows
One of my friends once asked me a couple of months ago if I was asexual, and I countered with grin, ‘Honey no, you know I masturbate!’… But it actually got me thinking, and when I came home I googled away. And lo and behold, I came upon this little pearl of the Interwebs.
I’ve read this a couple of times now, and I come back to it once in a while just to make sure it’s still here, and I just wanted to express how grateful I am that it exists. Honestly, I’m not sure if I AM actually asexual, there is still some possible personal variations left uncertain (so many different sexualities these days one gets a bit lost), but it sure has opened my eyes to a different world. Thank you so very much for writing this, it is much, much appreciated. :)
The answer to, “How can someone who is asexual masturbate and still call them asexual?” is simple.
Heterosexuals masturbate so they can pretend they are having sex with the opposite sex. Asexuals masturbate solely because it feels nice and do not imagine themselves having sex.
Heterosexuals feel desire to have sex only with the opposite sex. Asexuals do not feel desire for sex at all.
Thank you very much, this has just given me the last nugde to accept that I am asexual. I have suspected this for a while now but oh no, it couldn’t be true because I masturbate right? But I do not want to come anywhere NEAR another person, male or female, in a sexual manner, so then what am I? I did some tests and research(online, because that’s always so freaking accurate XD) and some said I was selfsexual (which would mean that I am sexually attracted to myself and HELL NO, that’s not the case) and others said I was fictosexual (I am not, by the way I just use hentai or smut while masturbating, I am not actually sexually attracted to the story or the characters and it’s not the only way I can get off) which I viewed as a bad thing, because these sights were just really agressive, like: NO, YOU’RE NOT ASEXUAL! HOW DARE YOU?! And I was like: Okay, you know what? If you are this insensitive, I don’t want to be what you say I am. So I did some more research and finally found this article and now I finally know who I am and I feel very comfortable with it. Basically I kick ass! Thank you :)
Thanks. Still putting all the pieces together… but I know I’m asexual. At least that one piece is solid. Still trying to figure out if this is why I can’t orgasm if I think about a person touching me but instead only when thinking of non sexual things and conversations. Actual sex seems a job or show that requires more effort than I have. I still shutdown and put on a physical show but my mind cannot remain there and enjoy anything. I think there may be a few more puzzle pieces to put together.
I just want to say thank you. I have literally been up for hours panicking because I felt that I didn’t fit in anywhere but here and even then I didn’t really feel like I fit in completely until now. Thank you. You took a lot of stress and anxiety of my shoulder <3
I read “that little tidbit would be absolutely none of your damn business” in Captain Picard’s voice.