Q: I think its obvious that the queer community, and I think specifically the ace community is full of people who mostly afab (regardless of later cis or trans identities). I don’t want to ask the question how do we fix this, because the answer is consistently education, as it should be. I think I’m asking what are your views/concepts/ideas etc on the topic.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that the wider queer community is mostly AFAB people. Some corners are, but others are heavily AMAB. But, I’m not an expert on demographics, and that’s outside of my area, so I’ll leave it there.
Now, about the ace community, that’s absolutely true. The periodic censuses that are done show it, and even just an informal glance at the people involved shows that. According to the latest census, less than 10% of the ace community are cis-males. And I don’t think that breakdown reflects reality.
I’ve got some anecdotal hypotheses about why that is (none of which have been proven or even really explored):
- Women are “supposed” to be asexual, while men are “supposed” to be hypersexual.
- Women are “allowed” to talk about their feelings, while men are expected to keep it bottled up. This also means that women are probably more likely to hear about asexuality from other women, while men are more likely to hear about asexuality from absolutely no one.
- Online message boards and forums on these sorts of topics tend to skew towards a female audience, which introduces sampling bias. (Also likely why many of the same surveys show a predominance of or introverts.)
- The belief that erection == attraction.
- Fear of ridicule for being anything other than a practicing heterosexual.
General awareness of asexuality would help, but beyond that, I think there are issues that specifically need to be addressed regarding asexual men.
First, the idea that a functioning penis has any bearing on sexual orientation needs to be thrown out. I might very well have discovered that I was asexual years earlier, if I hadn’t been so caught up on that. You can be asexual and get erections. You can be asexual and masturbate. You can be asexual and have orgasms. And you can be asexual and enjoy all of the above.
Second, the people who mock asexuality as the emasculated beta-male byproduct of feminism need to be destroyed. (They need to be destroyed in general, but also specifically because of this.) I am not asexual because women are allowed to vote or work or wear pants or generally be treated like human beings. I am not asexual because I’m afraid that I’ll be sued for harassment if I even look in the direction of a woman. I am asexual because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.