At some point, you may notice that some groups of asexuals seem to have a strange obsession with cake. This isn’t because asexuals are all secretly bakers. Rather, it’s because cake is clearly better than sex, something that asexuals and non-asexuals can agree on.

Some factions of asexual people have the view that pie is, in fact, even better than cake, while others claim this belief is heretical. A tense truce has existed between the two sides ever since the Confectionery Crisis of 2007. This author refuses to take sides in this debate, and believes that any choice is the right one (including both or neither), as long as you’re walking your own personal path of truth.





(Although CLEARLY, cake is better.  I mean, seriously, pie?  Come on!)

12 thoughts on “Cake

  1. cake, oh my god yes. my current favorite is longhorns chocolate stampede. it comes with two scoops of vanilla ice cream, two deliciously large slices of 6-types-of-chocolate chocolate cake, and topped with whipped cream. sharing that with a significant other is indefinitely better than sex.

  2. I did not know that my joke I stole from a sitcom to show that I’m not interested on whoever is hitting on me was a thing. “I’d love you between my sheets” “Well, I’d rather like some cake please”. Its the least offensive do-not-want-signal phrase I have.

  3. Depends on the pie and what time of the month it is. You’re all (mostly?) American right? So pie is dessert. I say pie and I get steak, mince, chicken- I think dinner, not dessert. But Apple crumble with vanilla ice cream… *drools*

    Cake. Unless there’s Apple crumble. then have crumble.

  4. without a doubt…cake…yum or anything else mentioned in these post. unfortunate for me i found out a few years back i have sugar diabetes…much harder pill to swallow than finding out i’m asexual…lol.

  5. Hi!

    I am mostly straight, but have been going through some self discovery, but I digress.

    Both cake and pie are better than sex. As sublime as cake is, I honestly like a slice of apple pie with a huge nasty slice of cheddar cheese on it.

    And as good as both of those are, I enjoy a mediterranean dessert (or it falls into the category of feed that greeks, middle eastern, israeli people eat) called kinafi (or knaffee), and it is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. It is decadent pan fried cheese in honey. It is NOT good for your body, but it is GREAT for your soul. If you enjoy it too much, you will pay for it later… on the toilet. Totally worth it.

  6. Can’t have dairy without feeling sick, so that most cakes, pies and ice cream are off my list, unless they are dairy-free. I can’t compare dessert and sex. But dessert is undoubtedly my choice. How can people not be attracted by delicious desserts? Even I can’t eat most cakes, pies and ice cream, it doesn’t stop me from paying tribute to tasty desserts. By the way many East Asian traditional desserts are naturally vegan and delicious. For people who can’t have dairy and/or eggs or vegetarians or vegans or people who shouldn’t consume too much sugar and fat, I recommend you to familiarise yourself with the Asian desserts. You will discover a whole new world of wonders.

  7. Cake! It’s funny, I’m the only one in my family who prefers cake over pie or ice cream. But then again, I am asexual. This cake joke is quite literally MY joke! I like pie too, it’s fine. But I don’t like ice-cream. Dairy doesn’t bother me when I do eat it, I just simply don’t like it. I do like sherbet. But cake is the best of all!

    • Speaking of cake, I have an idea: my 40th birthday is in 6 months, so I’m going to celebrate being a 40 year old virgin. And all of my ace friends are invited to join me! Yes, that means all of you. Meet me back here in 6 months & I’ll tell you all how it went. I already told my parents & my brother. I feel like being a virgin for so long is an accomplishment & should be celebrated. So, you’ll all hear back from me in May. This is not something I am ashamed of or embarrassed about. I’ll have a unicorn cake because unicorns symbolize innocence & purity & only a virgin can catch a unicorn. I would love it if all of you could enjoy a piece of cake to celebrate with me.

      • Thank you to all of you for joining me for my birthday today! And thank you to YOU, the creator of this website for allowing me to celebrate here on your website. And thanks for letting me write about my ace story in some of the other pages within your website. Due to the coronavirus, my birthday plans changed a bit. I am celebrating at home in quarantine, but I’m still decorating with unicorns. I planned a unicorn birthday six months ago & usually I don’t plan anything that far ahead. But since I did, I bought birthday supplies & unicorn decorations. Now I have everything I need to set up. Why unicorns, though? I heard a saying :only a virgin can tame a unicorn. I thought that was funny. I’ve been taming unicorns for 40years now. And last year I watched the 40year old virgin movie. It was funny. Some of it was crude humor, but I can take a joke. But it’s still not one I’d ever watch again. And my mother likes watching the bachelor TV show. Sometimes I go over to get house to watch it. One year a bachelor became famous for being the first virgin bachelor on the show. Virgin. What’s the big deal anyway? I saw him celebrating on the show & he was proud of who he was. I liked that part of the show & decided I want to celebrate being a 40 year old virgin. That bachelor has a book available now, called :the first time. And i’m gonna read it today. It’s not a though I think of myself as innocent & pure, but I am wearing white today. Thanks again to everyone for joining me today! Stay safe at home. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must eat some unicorn cake!

  8. May I make the controversial suggest that brownies are better than both?

    That being said I prefer cake although I do look forward to pie on holidays.

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