About AsexualityArchive:

I created AsexualityArchive because I hadn’t found a repository for all-things-ace anywhere else.  Plenty of information on asexuality is tied up in blog posts or on message boards or in videos and the problem I had with all of those things is that they’ll get buried by the sands of time.  When you write a blog post, no matter what it’s on or how earth shatteringly wonderful it is, it doesn’t get read after the first day, because no one can find it anymore.  My goal with this site is make sure that good information stays visible, whether it’s a day old or five years old.

Little by little, I’m trying to build a guide to asexuality.  Hopefully these posts will be informative and entertaining to ace and non-ace alike.  If not, at least it’ll keep my typing fingers nimble…  Either way, I don’t claim to speak for all asexuals.

About me:

I am asexual.  I made the discovery in April 2011, after years of thinking that I just wasn’t any good at being straight.  I’m a cismale with a currently undetermined romantic orientation that lives somewhere close to aromantic, but with just enough heteroromantic touches sprinkled into it to keep things confusing.  I currently live outside of Seattle and work in the software industry.

Contact Info:

Email: a c e @ a s e x u a l i t y a r c h i v e . c o m

Twitter: @AceArchive

31 thoughts on “About

  1. This is an awesome effort to compile all useful Ace information. Everything is clearly laid out, informative and with a little humor. Props to you, and thank you for creating such a wonderful resource!

  2. I absolutly love this website, you perfectly manage to combine information, wit, humour without being patronozing. I read all your posts in an evening and I love them all, congratulations on such good work. I only recently figured out that I’m asexual, and this website has been a massive help, so thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you for writing all this!

  3. Hello.
    I found you on Google: D

    You worked hard making this website and it paid off. I really love it. Its full of information that isn’t really complex. I feel it is more of thoughts, feelings, experiences and knowledge than a scientific meaning and explanation. That’s what I like about it. Easy to understand. : )

  4. Oh my Gawd! You are a godsend. Prophet or angel or just brilliantly my now word. I stumbled across your site/article while googling sapiosexual and demisexual. I feel like the little intruder who slept in the baby bear bed, finally resting cozily after so much soul searching to find something that fits. Grazia bello!

  5. hi,

    This is wonderful and thank you for being online and reachable. I am a member of AVEN, have looked at everything out there that may exist on this subject. What is lacking I feel is a safe community where one can get together. I know there are meetups. I know about the dating sites too, though I haven’t tried it much.
    How about we come together to form a community to interact which could lead to possibilities of lifetime companionship.
    Do you see a possibility of creating such a space. Can we attempt to make one? Just my two bit on what I’d really like and am sure there are many like me who would at some point think about it.
    By the Asexuals. For the Asexuals. Of the Asexuals.
    Thank you.

  6. massive thank you for this site!! and the book and in general and everything :)
    it helped me a lot to explain a-sexuality to my environment and obvsl to learn more about myself and my (a)-sexuality.
    its all brilliantly written and I am a big fan :)

    keep up the good work!

  7. Hello,

    I am 15 yrs old and recently realised I was asexual.
    I bought your book: Asexuality a brief introduction, and it was so helpful for me.
    The information and the way you describe everything made me want to try help out other asexuals and I was wondering if there was a way I could do this?
    Thank you again

  8. I wasn’t planning on leaving a comment, but after reading a few of your posts, I couldn’t not. I just wanted to say that I came on here as a writer looking for some research on a character’s sexuality, in which I was unsure and I thought they might be classified as biromantic. (If you’re interested, the character is Peter Pan.) I personally don’t fall on the asexual spectrum at all, but am curious and constantly learning about all the different orientations and I found your site to be incredibly informative, well-organized and INCREDIBLY well-written! You’re witty and personal and informative, while also being respectful, non-aggressive, inclusive and informed. You call out the ignorant people the RIGHT way, and that takes a lot of writing talent. You, my friend, have a gift for writing, and I’m glad you’ve been able to put that talent to good use with helping out the asexual community – as well as those curious learners like me. :)

  9. I thought there was something wrong with me. For years I’ve likened the role of sex in relationships to a mandatory game of squash .. I don’t know yet how this discovery will affect my life or my relationship but I’m comforted knowing I’m not alone. Thank you.

  10. This has been a super helpful website haha :D
    I finally took the time to research my own sexuality and most all the characteristics were just on point. It feels like finally finding the right size of jeans after wearing sweatpants all my life cuz the idea of sex was just MEH and too much of a hassle.
    So thanks a lot for creating this super easy to comprehend archive!

  11. I stumbled on this while trying to figure out why my girlfriend (of 2 years) is so sweet and romantic but has no interest in sex. This explains so much and hopefully makes our relationship less stressful for both of us. Thank you for sharing with the global community, your knowledge and experiences are really helping and impacting others…. thank you, thank you.

  12. Hi.

    The more I read on this website, the more I started to realize the possibility of me being asexual. I never knew I was asexual. In fact, I thought there was something wrong with me for years, thinking why I couldn’t perceive sex through the same perspective as sexual people…and I truly believed and felt against the possibility of me being sexual one day and being content of it.

    To be honest, I haven’t heard a lot of criticism in my life. The only thing I have ever heard was from a friend who outwardly said I would find a guy sexually attractive one day. I felt as if I was dismissed, but had no idea about asexuality back then.

    There is, though, specifically, one thing I would like to highlight: My family is religious, so we are supposed to be abstinent from sex outside of marriage. However, I always felt sex was completely alienating anyway. I barely have had and still have no abstinence towards it, unless I am in a situation where sexual activity calls itself.

    Moreover, I acknowledge myself as straight-asexual. I think I am capable of romantic attachments, but incapable of sexual attachments, and I am quite happy and content with the fact that I experience a lack of sexual attracton. This is what feels right to me and has always been.

    Only if asexuality was known more of in our world, would more asexual people out there who do not consider themselves as asexual would start considering the possibility. There seems to be more asexual people out there than it is estimated. These people probably consider themselves as straight, bi, etc. when they are, in fact, asexual.

    How do I know? Well, I have been there. I used to think I was completely straight, but the more I got older, the more I questioned myself. At one point, I thought, “Well, if I am not sexually attracted to any gender, can I call myself straight?”.

  13. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!

    When I was dating in my 20’s and 30’s I didn’t know there was a name for my “condition”. The initial days of dating were exciting – getting dressed up, waiting to see a voice message from the guy in my answering machine!! (Wow, what a long ways we have evolved in that direction over a few years :)) Then, when it got to going beyond kissing and cuddling – which I’ve always enjoyed – I begin to feel a dread. A familiar sense of numbness. It wasn’t revulsion. It was complete disinterest. When this began to happen over and over … and over again, I just gave up dating. Now, at 52, I’m thankfully out of the dating scene.

    I could never figure what was going on. The feelings were almost never there. I say almost, because twice in my life I’ve felt the urge. And I know how powerful it can be. Because there was no boyfriend around just at those times, I didn’t act on them. And thus I remain to this day a virgin.

    In a roomful of adults, I’m pretty sure you’ll never pick me out as “The Virgin”. I don’t fit any of the usual stereotypes, either stylistically or in terms of upbringing. I have no clue how I ended up this way.

    Not being involved in relationship drama helps me to channel my energies into my career, interests, and friendships. And I like it this way. I wouldn’t want to change.

    I learnt about asexuality within the last two years. I’ve read a few internet posts about it, but it’s sure great to have one whole site devoted to this topic. And a great site at that!!

    Keep up the good work!

  14. Can I please request you stop saying things such as “both males and females”? It is erasing all identities outside of the binary as well as giving a faulty view of what bisexual/romantic actually means.

  15. I’ve pretty much always known I’m asexual, but I didn’t know it was really a “thing” until I recently ran across some sites about it. I like your site: it’s friendly, clever, and very informative. I’d just like to add my thanks for creating this site.

  16. I’m writing a paper for school about the opposing views on pornography through the eyes of homosexuals, heterosexuals and asexuals. Your archive is very insightful and gives a raw look into your personal experiences as well as others. With this being said I would greatly appreciate it if i could quote some of the views you share. If so, I would need the citation information. After viewing your website information, I am still unsure of who exactly you are. I understand if you would like to remain anonymous to your readers but for my teachers eyes only, could i get the editing and publishing information for the archive titled “AAW Day 4: Porn”. Thank you for your time and it was a pleasure coming across your eye opening archive.

  17. I just wanted to share that I’ve been incredibly confused about who I am and my whole sexuality ever since I was in middle school and this website really helped me sort myself out and discover who I am. To be honest I actually cried when I realized there was a place that actually described a majority of my own orientation. Thank you so much for creating this! It’s an actual blessing!

  18. Thank you for this wonderful site. I am not asexual myself, and I am writing a story with an asexual character. I want to be as accurate and respectful as possible, and this has proven very helpful in my research.

  19. Omg. Having read pages and pages on this site, I’ve realised this is exactly me and I’m crying. This explains everything. I’m not a miserable spinster nobody wanted. I’m normal. Thank you

  20. I just want to thank you so much for this website. All of the information is organized so well and written in a way that is easy to understand and interesting to read. It has helped me so much in my journey of finding myself.

  21. thank u so much for this wonderfill site i feel so free that i can talk aboute this kind of thing for the frist time in mine life! i allways thot i was an alien becaus i did not like sex but your website has set my soul free and i can finalley b happy to be who i am , 100 precent asexual and proud! i love your web site.

  22. I’m definitely asexual because of have ASD and my anxiety really get to me. I’m really want Asexuality to be understood, I don’t like anything sexual at all. I love this page so much I’m happy to be apart of something beautiful
    Kind regards
    Kai x

  23. Thank you SO MUCH for this site and for your book!!! They both have really helped me. I’ve felt defective my whole life. I was in a marriage for 32 years and I tried so hard to be sexual. I kept “failing.” My ex and I saw so many therapists no one told me about asexually or if they did it was presented as a malady to be fixed. I had one good experience with sex when I was 56. But in hindsight I wouldn’t say I was attracted or not attracted to the person. But once I knew I wasn’t broken sexually as I’d been lead to believe I was no longer interested in having sex. I’m so relieved I never have to have sex again. I don’t have to figure out a way to like sex. There’s nothing wrong with me!!! OMG wow. I do feel lonely though I’d like to meet others. Maybe after the pandemic there will be ways to meet people. Thanks again.

  24. Hey! Thank you so much for this website <3! I especially find it awesome is that it doesn’t get lost (as you said). But I also find it important that you state that asexuals don’t hate sex. Some of the people surrounding me tell me that I am wrong when I say that asexuals can have sex (I am asexual and I have never met an asexual person in real life). I find it hurtful that people never truly understand what asexuality is and I hope this website will bring clarity into our world!!

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